move on agitaa

stupid!

no other word for me.

i dont know why i'm so stupid when it comes to my feeling. i let this guy come and go take my heart away and he ran away! dang.

and when he finally brought it back to me.. i had a crush and it was really fast and stupid and childish.

oh my...

why can't i have a good love life and everything. become a lover wholeheartedly. why it takes a lot from me?! it wasn't like this before i met that guy. and now when I'm over him, i think i become a little hard on guys. i judge them and not letting them come near to me. i'm so distant now. i'm so ignorant and cold..

stupid, isn't it?

even before they judge me like that, i judge myself in advance.
and before they judge me, i judge them
and before they show me who they really are, i run away and keep my distance safe.


what the hell is wrong with me?!


and i finally met this guy

he's so perfect according to my criterias. loving, athletic, loves writing, and everything. and i had a little crush on him (just a little!) and suddenly i turn my back and run away, knowing he's not the one i want. afterall, love doesn't need criteria and my stupid criterias had been broken already by that "guy"..

and just now he told me that he's in love with another girl and i was happy for him... and i made my mind at that time that he's not the right one. and suddenly it's like i fell to the floor...

i realized my love life has been fake this whole time. and it's not even like "oh, i'm so happy for him that he likes other girl already!". it's not even like that!
i wasn't happy!


but realizing the fact is hard and i think to run away now will be better than repeating my pathetic little love drama.








oh come on agita, MOVE ON!

pretty much untitled

dang....

i read a girl's blog like about an hour ago..

and what she wrote there....i cant quite explain. i know she has been describing my friends there, cos she is my friend's ex, but then, it was like..... she wrote my thoughts! cos when i read it, i knew it that it's just exactly how i feel for "him"!

dang..

audition finally!

can't tell you how relieved i was to finally done the audition that has burdened me for 3 days! my name was last called and after i performed we all went back to our class..

the audition....hmm...i thought i've lost my voice after waiting for some people on stage. i was soo groggy that i can't help clearing my throat over and over again and drank more than i usually drink. i felt like my throat was drying every time i cleared it and so i drank some more.

soo, finally ms B called my name and i got to the stage. i started singing without stopping, looking everywhere wildly and just when i thought i can't get to the highest note, i was able to do it! i was so happy that at the end of the song, when everyone clapped, i can't help grinning.

the next thing is doing dialogues and Jason was chosen randomly to become my partner. and after that....it's like a SWOOSH! flowing through me. i am DONE with the audition! i could still feel my face hot due to the nervousness but i think i did ok.


and the rest of the day was suddenly brighter and lighter and u know, happier! dang, i performed dance every year on stage, watched by hundreds people and i never got a stage fever, and just then, standing there on the little stage, watched by around 50 people, i could be disabled if i let it be!



and so, tomorrow there will be macro economics quiz and i haven't studied yet.



other news:
1. i finally finished reading BREAKING DAWN! yeaa :D
2. got 93 on agama test- same as merlyn's
3. got another 93 in indonesian language's dialogue performance where me and merlyn had to b angry at each other and well, it pays off.
4. i did the sociology test and i think i did well
5. english test was hard! never in my life an english test at school be that hard


tomorrow:
1. choir test! i havent practiced wth my group yet!
2. macro eco quiz
3. dance in exkul time
4. go to mandarin course
5. english course
6. hangin out with chris, ci epi and endru as tomrrow's FRIDAY! i <3 FRIDAY!





thats all i guessed...



ciaoo!

UPDATINGG

About today.
okaay...

so, today i was supposed to be auditioning for my school's musical play. I've rehearsed several times with Merlyn, Carla, Joven, Karina, and even Windi. the song titled "Deep in my heart Dear" taken from the original play but in a different version than you'll find in Youtube.

(the song starts with the word "of love i've often heard" in case you're curious)

and I also had practiced the script few times!
or at least fewer than the song. but i was prepared!


and the thing iiiss.....Ms. B didn't come! what a day wrecker! and so the audition is canceled until tomorrow.

moreover, tomorrow, there'll be an Economic test about employment and somehow, i'm not that "willing" to do the audition anymore as it has been canceled. but despite the cancellation, i think i will try for the audition tomorrow.



well then....updating news for the week........







***********************************************




last week was crazy. there was a fight between these 2 girls group and I used to be in one of the group. but both groups have considered me as non-attached organism and so they both told me the story and i heard the real problem from two sides. wew, that's interesting! if i were still in one of the group, i would only heard from my group's side, isn't it?


and as what we usually saw on TV, girls fight involve crying or screaming or something like it, and everyone who knew that they will "talk" together expect the fight to be HUGE! as they have always hated each other.

but then they both talked properly.. well, not that properly, but at least it was not THAT big, but ok, fine.. it was BIG

everyone who passed the corridor asked each other of what was going on and just in time when i approached them to hear the conversation better, the bell rang and we were all scattered to our classes.

the rest was kinda private since this blog isn't totally completely private...




another update.......



hmmm

nothing whatsoever important except that during the week my score on every test are almost perfect! :D


and last night, Andrew had landed in Indonesia and expect to meet me maybe this weekend...






okay then, i have to study for econ.....
:(

byeee~~

some conversations

here are some random conversations i happen to remember during the classes at schools


ms Juliana: Cahya! *bringin the ducky bank for cahya to pay*
cahya: what miss? i didnt say anything in indonesian!
ms Juliana: No, pay!
cahya: no miss, aahh. i was................aaahh........i don't know the english miss!
ms Juliana: what!
cahya: aaah, i frgt the english miss! in indonesian ya miss, i was "kelepasan!"
ms juliana: on purpose! did you say that on purpose?
cahya: yes, miss
ms juliana: what?! then you have to pay!
cahya: eh no miss. i mean not
ms juliana: so, did u say that on purpose?
cahya: no miss, not purpose...

and the class roared with laughters





Bu eti: apa? *tiredly after answering the same question for the 5th times about stalagtit and stalagmite*
student: ga ngerti buu
Bu Eti: ADUH KALIAN MAKAN APA SIH TADI PAGIII!!





cahya: nih, g punya pertanyaan
agita: apa?
*merlyn pays attention to the conversation as she sat behind me*
cahya: bapak lu tukang lem ya?
agita: ih kayaknya gw tau deh nih!
tasha: wakakkaka.
cahya: coba dong jawab.. bapak lu tukang lem ya?
agita: bukan
merlyn: apaan c?
cahya: soalnya hati gw nempeel trus sama lu wakakakkakakaka
agita: wakakakakkaka geli lo!
tasha: wakakakak. jayus abis!
..........tik tik tik tik.........
merlyn: apaan c?ga ngerti....

*everybody sighs*





alain: nih ini namanya endapan! endapan tuh umm apa yaa. kayak klo lu tuang susu trs d aduk2 ntr ada yg sisa d bawah kepisah gitu, nah itu namanya endapan!
niji: ohhh iyah2 ngerti
alain: nah, kata dasarnya endap! ada yg namanya pengendapan, endapan, ini tuh namanya imbuhan dalam bhs indonesia! kayak suffix sama prefix gitu. *write in niji's book*
niji: apa bedanya pengendapan sama endapan?
alain:...ummmmmm
agita: pengendapan tuh kayak proses gitu! kayak peristiwanya..
alain: iyah..
agita: pengendapan! itu tuh kayak ummm kayak kebakaran! gitu... klo endapan itu bendanya...
niji: oh jadi awalan pe- sama ke- itu sama ya?
agita & alain: adduuhhh!!! BUKAN!








and so much more but i just can't list everything here. lolll

another monday

let's see....

it's another monday of this week. the beginning. the news start of the struggle.

well, ok, it's not that bad actually. it's just that life hasn't been so smooth the last week.

well, of course i had my party and i was happy. and the essential, I'M 16!

sure, it hasn't changed.


but somehow..

i feel ummmm......i honestly feel like i'm searching for something missing. there's something not complete in my life and i know that. but what is it that makes me searching and occupying my mind for the whole day?!


i no longer think of "him" like everyday and every second. that is past. he's not even in my top-10 things to think about.


but i just feel it that something is not right! and i have to find it real fast to put my life back in order.


and moreover i think i'm the phase what most people called as "searching for true self"

and i'm having a big dilemma over it.








well, i have to do my english homework anyway. i have to compose a paragraph of what my opinion about a statement. that's too boring compare to what happen in the world and to me. however, i have to do it if i want to get a good score. and my goal is to get as many 8s as possible or even higher in my mid-semester report card


i gs i'll do it now.


well then, bye!

turning 16

omg! OMG!

i'm turning 16 in no time!!!!

16!!!!



it's 11.37 p.m. now and i just can't sit still, waiting for my birthday to come..

ok to ease my mind a little, i'd like to say that the opening of olympic games in Beijing was a blast!!! that was crazy! crazily beautiful!

the part i love the most is the fireworks part. it was amazing! it painted Beijing RED!

it was stunning although i didn't watch it in Beijing. if i were there, it'd be like OH MY GOD!

lol




ok, stop babbling...






i think i'd like to make a little recap for what had happened during my 15 years-old time..


i was having a great fun! oh yes i did. i sumtimes did crazy things, stupid things and many others.

as i always learn sumthin everyday, i can say I've changed a lot during this last year. i think i become more mature, grown up, knowing the etiquettes more, and i learned to thank God as He has always given me the best in my life!

i feel terrific!

that my family is whole and happy, that my life was finally fall into its place, that i learned to b a better person, that if i looked back, I'd smile over what i've been through..



so, it's 11.45





my new resolutions for this year knowing that i'll turn 16 in 15 mins:
> get a grip of my life
> be happier
> lose some weight (i certainly need to do this again)
> stay on good track
> be dilligent
> be more independent and dependable =)
> make my parents happy
> learn more languages
> go to another new country!




it's 11.47




i just can't wait to be 16!

tomorrow will be a SUPER day (like what Vic said) and i'll enjoy it more than anyone on that day!









and the next time i put another entry here, i'd be 16 already!


sooo


ciao 15!

usidhvsjdgneruog

hey2!!

so it's 4th August 2008. and everything is just perfect except for one thing, it's monday!

oh, how i HATE monday!

1. i should come to school earlier because of the weekly ceremony
2. there's PE and i hate PE, not to mention the 'running' around athletic field part
3. i have to use all my power to keep my eyes open in the morning
4. there's accountancy in the last periods


soooo, to keep me awake during the lessons, i usually talk to my classmates. and today was fine, not that fun, but not bad either.

almost half of the class slept in AV3 in geography class because we have to watch this documentary film about earthquake. yeah right. how on earth could the teacher think we'd survive through the dark, cool room without falling asleep!

and so, the rest of the day was really standard. i had so much talk with tasha, cahya, merlyn, and theo in most of the lessons and in the recess time, as always, me and merlyn perched on our favorite place to talk and well, we had conversations there.

we can talk almost about everything there! you can't imagine how alike our minds work!



ok, still, problems come and go and it seems that i naturally attract problems to my life! after i get through one, another will come around just when I'm having good time and enjoying my life.

and those problems are tough! but i believe that it makes me stronger (in some ways) and well, like konak said, let it flow! cos basically we'd never knew when God will give me extra power to overcome all of these!

but somehow, i still feel loved and that's what's important to me.




k then....positive thinking agita!








ciaoo~