in a hotel in washington

sometimes, we need to retrace back and seeing from different perspectives.

merlyn and i agreed on this and we talked a lot about it on the way back from TMII yesterday. i was really sleepy! but not wanting to miss the timing and the chance, i talked alot to merlyn about some things needed to be reviewed. and i think alain pretty much got the idea of what i was talkin about with merlyn. he seemed to have waken up and heard our long conversation lolol.

and today we talked about that agn. what it feels like to b in somebody else's position. and what a pain in the ass we are from other people's perspectives! lolol.

so so so..


recently, i've realized how important it is to make decision.

what if a year ago i chose to go to science class? will i like it as much as i like social class? even with the same amount of tasks and test, will i feel enjoy in science more than social? what if i chose based on my friend's preference?

but now there's nothing to regret :)
i've chosen my way and not a single regret i have for that.

it was a day in summer, a morning in washington, in a dim hotel room, a calm relaxed feeling, with a sleepy sensation after waking up, my sister inhaled and exhaled softly beside me still in her distant dream.

and i read the text in my phone. it said that i could chose between social or science cos my scores allowed me to both. and without many thoughts, just by impulse, not thinking of anyone's choice, not asking anyone what they chose, simply asking myself what i wanted..and i replied it, saying "i choose social class"

then i dropped it back to the side of my pillow and snuggled back to my duvet........


how it has changed me a lot now..
how plain and innocent and not-knowing-anything i was when i chose that choice so easily..
and it had led me this far now..

it made me think alot, of what i choose now that will affect me greatly in the future.



just yesterday..
something shocking hit me.
after 6 years of full understanding, struggle, and belief that i have to go to University of Toronto if i want to get to Canada, suddenly that strong, well built wall of UofT becomes a ruin now...
it no longer apply..


i can't believe it!!!


since i was a 6th grader back in elementary school, i saw my sister struggled so hard to get to UofT, the best uni in canada, 23rd in the world. and i saw my uncle, perfectly settled with his engineering degree from UofT, totally proud that he was a UofT engineering graduate. and this 200-year-old university is not a joke, it's been admitted around the world, and most of its graduates are brilliant and worked so damn hard there. basically, anyone goes there is a genious, competing with people around the world to get a chair there.

so...
my oldest sister got there, and she brought home this calendar academic and list of programs and majors books when i was still in junior high school. 8th grader to be exact.

i've learnt alot from it, trying to choose the major attracted me the most. and the only one closest to what i want is "Professional Writing and Communication" mind you....

my mum was like: "you're going to get into this great university and THAT is that program you want?! but that's okay, you're still too young. try to think it over...."

and i had this in mind : "i have to get a serious program, like my sister's psychology and bioenvironment and industrial relation, something sounds hard"

but no other major interest me other than "Communication, Culture, and Information Technology", "Sociology", "Professional Writing and Communication", and "Psychology". and those are the closest to what i have in mind of what i wanna learn.

and yesterday..
my sister talked to me about this and she said like "if u wanna go for advertising, sociology, or journalism, DON'T go to UofT! such waste of money! you will get better education on those departments in Sheridan! believe it or not, all my friends from industrial relation go to Sheridan again to learn some more altho they're all from UofT"

me: "seriously?!!"
sister : "seriously!"
me : "i can't believe it!!!!! imma go crazzzyyy!!! i've had this belief in my mind that i HAVE to go to UofT!! and now it all change!!
sister : "u dont have to go to UofT just bcos i and ela went there! u'll be better educated in sheridan, especially with their co op, a kind of intership, more practice than theories. UofT are bullshits, they teach everything in theories!"




soo...
i started to bring my mind 6 years back. when i had no idea what UofT is.
dang..
i studied so hard with UofT floating in my mind as my future uni. i even went there with my sisters several times, and when i was there i was like "this is my future uni" sang along in my mind.


one thing for sure.
i have to ask myself really personally without anything affecting my opinion. this is my future, and i need to decide it myself.


like that morning in a hotel in Washington..



xoxo.