days past. holiday's almost finish. *sigh*

it's gonna be school days in no time. and during these last freedom days i'm more or less doin nothing useful... sleep when the clock reach 3 am, wake up the next day around 1 pm, slowly eating breakfast, watching Taiwanese drama online, checkin e-mails, watch TV, call some friends, go out sumtimes, karaokeing, eating dinner somewhere, etc etc. and i feel nothing but emptiness. and this emptiness is seriously goin to kill me.. fml

what do i actually want??
i want to feel alive! more than anything!
i want to travel.. where? i don't know. but i want to take a rest for some days...
i want to meet people.. who? I've just met my sister from canada.. and reconnect with my childhood friends...
i want to buy things.. but what? i don't need anymore clothes, my wardrobe is sickly refusing to be closed due to those pieces which i haven't had time to wear..
i want to read.. what do i want to read?? i have a novel i haven't finished and a brand new magazine which i barely touch.
i want to eat.. what do i want to eat? i don't knoww....

so let me ask myself, what do you actually want?

i miss my friends alott... i miss talking to them, joking around..
and i'm sick of this sweet 17 party i have to organize altho i don't really want it. i'm okay without it. but for the sake of "i don't want to regret it 10 years later, wishing i had a sweet 17 party", i choose to make a happy ending for me and my dad who insisted on celebrating my sweet 17 party....

i prefer to take the money and spend it on something like homestaying, backpacking, buy a camera, or for my courses than spending it on a single party in a single night..

and how i miss my friends from PIRN..



so altho many things happened during this last week, i prefer not to tell anything. cos i don't feel anything special other than trying to find names for my alter egos. i know, sounds crazy right?

and my party's invitations turn out to be overbudget..and tomorrow i have to wake up extraearly to pick up my designer and buy the materials for my gown together...and my mom is really busy at the hospital so it'll be just the two of us.. i really wish my grandpa gets better..............





xx.