blueberry muffin

Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some. ~ Robert Fulghum

2012-02-11T14:18:00.000-05:00

after 2 weeks of hell, im finally back to my blog and i can tell u that it feels so good to be back here, writing anything i want to..

so here's the update:

remember I told you guys how I had italian presentation , megan's band show on saturday downtown, work + rehearsal on sunday, eco200 test on tuesday, eco220, french, and italian composition due next friday??

yeah it sounds sooo bad and honestly i can't believe im done with all those and managed to get out of it still with my complete body parts.

so i did my italian presentation it was so much fun, i got to dress up as a tourist in a fancy italian restaurant and my other group members are the waiter and waitresses. all the dialogues were conducted in full italian and we also had a little quiz and gave out pastries to our classmates. there was also another group who did the same topic which is Italian Cuisine and they handed out coldcuts and pizza. it was def a fun class! at the end of the day, we got 82.5 as our group and individual mark :) not a 4.0 but im still happy with that mark.

ensuite, i submitted my italian scrittura a week earlier than the due date. im telling you guys, when you are forced to work your hardest, you can seriously surprise yourselves with the amount of work you get done with the amount of time you were given. because I knew the upcoming week would be hectic, I literally typed down my scrittura in 2 hours and i got an 80 for it. not 4.0, not my best effort, but given the amount of time and work I had to do, 80 is a pretty decent mark.

my eco200....

i got it, im always so stressful about eco200 and the mark that I got was again dissatisfying and revolting. seriously, i never felt so incapable in my life before. seems like whatever I did was never enough. so now my mark is 60% for that class, i seriously thought of dropping that course because I don't want a bad GPA but after having consulted my sisters and mom, and they all said I shouldnt dropped it, so I decided to just keep swimming against the current here and try my best to keep my head above the water.

about megan's band show...

ah it was such a disappointing day.. I had been waiting for megan's band performance since forever and I can't believe I didn't go. I bought the ticket, set up a time n place to meet up with my friend and suddenly the weather turned into an ice age blizzard. the wind was so strong and the roads were icy. I waited 50 mins for my bus and couldnt feel my toes! im being very explicit right here, i couldnt feel my toes at all and the bus didn't come and i thought might as well went back home because i wouldve missed my second bus anyway.. so by the time I got to the venue, the show wouldve ended.

so then i pounded my way back home. shortly after, my sister and our friends came over and we spent the night playing board game called Shadow Hunter til late then I slept rightaway. the next day I worked 7 hours as usual and went for bollywood rehearsal at 6.

my eco220 test went very well, i got 8.25 as my mark then after the test, me julie mizuki and ana went downtown rightaway. we went to Tryst to celebrate the end of hell week and i also met up with patrick and apologized for flopping the week bfore. me and mizuki stayed at julie's place for the night and we had lunch together after surviving more than 12 hours without any food in our stomach. we gulped all the food down and i went home to rest. the next day i worked as usual and went to rehearsal.

this is the weekend of february 11th and next week is the last week bfore reading week. today I stayed home for the afternoon, finishing up with eco202 homework and did some eco200 practice. tonight i'm going downtown with my sister and friends to try a new burger place. tomorrow is work all over again, and rehearsal.

i'm just glad that my marks aren't too bad considering the amount of things i had to do + rehearsal + work. i'm still in the 80s if i calculated correctly and although im not a 4.0er anymore, im just happy to have a social life and above average mark and i am not sleep deprived. i guess this is what they called as a balanced life.

this image is not true!

p.s.: my mom's coming next month!!

2012-01-24T23:43:00.001-05:00

stress level at its peak, too early for a january.

i looked at my schedule for next week and literally, theres not even one day to breath.

i have italian presentation this friday, megan's band show on saturday downtown, work + rehearsal on sunday, eco200 test on tuesday, eco220, french, and italian composition due next friday.

yeah its soooo packed. i usually study the whole week for one test. and now I have 3 standing proudly with their mocking smile next week and i gotta beat them somehow. my eco200 test got another 1/5 and i dont want that ever again.

btw I applied for summer abroad program already and I really really hope I can go this summer. in order for everything to go smoothly, first, i need to not fail any course I have now. i desperately need not to fail! so yeah I gotta study extra hard. been spending the past 3 days in the silent study area in the library, a section I never get accustomed of because of the extreme silence, but today I actually took advantage of it. its so peaceful up to a point where my brain can focus to its maximum capacity and I actually finished up with eco220 and started eco200 tutorial qs. overachiever much? yes i need to be.

Is not life a hundred times too short for us to bore ourselves? - Friedrich Nietzsche

2012-01-09T18:19:00.000-05:00

i've managed to get through the first week of january just fine. assignments piling up already, i have italian scrittura due next week, a missed lecture i have to catch up on, a french quiz tomorrow, an eco202 test this thursday, an eco200 test next tuesday and i have to write up some dialogues for ita 200 presentation cause my group wanna do some kind of skit for it and we need to prepare the dialogues.

today I went to a Resume Workshop, which is exactly the reason why i missed ita200 lecture. the workshop was 2 hour-long and it basically broke down what we did wrong with our resumes and what we should or shouldnt put in the resume. the session was presented by UEC and career centre and around 40 people were there. we were put into groups and we analyzed other people's resumes. most of the students who came are in 3rd or 4th year, in fact i was the only second year in my group. I looked at their resumes and my jaw almost dropped. their resumes look so professional, with lots of work experiences, volunteers, and various club activities. I felt so disabled rightaway, its as if I'm a grade 1 student but got into a grade 10 class.

there was this guy, he's a korean and he had 4 years of military service, he had an internship at a bank in Korea, a job in Finance Learning Centre at UTM, various clubs, and skills. his resume is exactly the same sized paper as what mine is, but his looks waaaaaay above my league. okay he's a fourth year and probably hes panicking looking for a job after graduation, but still! its an amazing resume. another one that i remembered is this girl. shes from Bahrain and she had a 4 pages resume. I know its not an effective resume nor it is a kind of resume that would get you an internship. but her resume told all about her awards, volunteer activities, and work experiences and it added up to 4 pages! that's crazy! i glanced at them and it seemed like this girl had somehow participate in all campus activities and most clubs.

then we reviewed a job opportunity at TD Canada Trust bank as a summer internship. it listed a complete job requirement, it asked for cover letter and to whom it is addressed to, what skills we need, and etc. i remember that the career centre representative said that if we didn't addressed the cover letter to that certain person, that's an automatic rejection. cause it tells the employer how we failed to process one simple instruction. other thing that i remember is just because the required skills seem so intense, that shouldnt make us back down. the employers don't expect us to have ALL the skills but they wanna get as close as possible to that kind of candidate.

it's such a new experience for me and I don't mind missing one hour italian for that workshop.it's like tasting what fourth year would be like.

but..

somehow

it made me realized more that I don't wanna work at a financial institution.

why?

i dont know.

anywayssss

last friday was julie's 19th birthday! we went to Alice Fazooli's and she had her first legal drink using her own ID. I went there rightaway after 5 hour shift at the bakery and we stayed there til 11.30 pm. got home at 12.30 am and i went to bed rightaway. the next day i lazed around a bit but then i went to the library and studied in the library til around 6 pm. i'm so jealous of my sisters and my friends, they all went snowboarding while i'm stuck at the library, studying for the stupid eco202 test! =(

yesterday, sunday january 8th 2012, i did my first Bollywood dance rehearsal for Style and Profyle performance in March and i LOVE it! the only downside is that im exhausted after 7 hour shift at the bakery from 8-3. but i can proudly say i can make espresso, cappuccino, and macchiatto now! yayy! still need more practice before scratching my goal so early in the year though.

then i went to south common and got a haircut and got to UTM at 5 pm. my rehearsal starts at 6 so i have an hour of nothing. i just chilled in the presentation room and watched julie practiced her disney modelling scene. then at 6 i went to the assigned room and met everyone who gonna do the dance with me. theres Cindy, Nerissa, Sydnee, Eliza, me, and a girl named Amy but she didnt come yesterday. Ani is one of the exec and shes our teacher for the bollywood dance. the dance will be around 3 minutes long and we use Jai Ho as our song. not the pussycat dolls one, but the actual Jai Ho which is like 5 mins long and with full indian and some spanish. the dance has a lot of feet thumping and hands movement and everything happens so fasttt! but i love it. absolutely love it.

after the rehearsal, i have to wait an hour before my sister picked me up at south common then all of us had dinner together. i got home at 11, showered, checked FB and slept rightaway. today woke up at 8.30 and even now i'm still tired. im supposed to stay at school for eco202 tutorial but I had this odd feeling of just wanting to go home and bury my head in my pillow and cry because im exhausted. i planned on goin to erin mills to buy a new gym clothes but that was a fail too, i just sat in the bus and let the bus took me home.

so i better rest properly today so tomorrow i can wake up extra early for eco200 lecture, french quiz, goin to the gym, and go to eco202 tutorial and of course, fit studying eco202 somewhere tomorrow.

i remember shan once asked me "why are your days so packed?" and i don't know the answer to that honestly.

my life has been a jumbled up story lately.

I begin to realise how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. He taught me that if you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it full speed ahead. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good. Hot is no good, either. White hot and passionate is the only thing to be.
My Uncle Oswald by Roald Dahl

I wanted to be a certain kind of a woman. I became that kind of a woman.” - Diane von Furstenberg

2012-01-02T20:32:00.000-05:00

FIRST POST OF 2012!!

here we go..

today is january 2nd and officially the first day of second semester. after a whole month off, it's really really hard to get back to the school routine, wake up in the morning, express breakfast, and dress up like eskimo. my brain was somehow splitted during lectures, one inside the class half-listening to the profs, another half on my comfy cozy warm bed which is waiting for me patiently at home and i cant wait to be reunited with it.

im sure you dont wanna read how my day went anyway coz its gonna be boring. but here's the thing.. i just saw Diane von Furstenberg's quotes: "I wanted to be a certain kind of a woman. I became that woman"

it makes me think..

okay i know that your mind is the starting point of everything. thoughts become actions, actions become habit, habit become character. and now i'm asking myself. what kind of woman do i want to be?

last time I asked myself this question was 2010 and here was my answer:

i wanna be a smart girl, i wanna be smart without having to isolate myself to study. i wanna be pretty. not just the pretty by looks, i wanna be prettier inside than outside. i wanna have courage to speak up my mind without hurting others. i wanna be a girl who can be a role model. i dont know role model in what way, thats just a wishful thinking. i dont wanna be the girl who dress like what she sees in magazines just because of the fact that it's on magazines.

i dont wanna be the girl who complaints but never fixes anything.

i wanna be the girl who learns everyday. i wanna be the girl who doesnt depend on money to boost her self-esteem. i wanna be the girl who doesnt think that partying is a way to seem cooler, it's just a way to let loose and its NOT BAD for God's sake. i dont wanna be judgmental. i dont wanna be the girl who loses her identity just because shes trying to be more western-like. i wanna be the girl who reads. i wanna be the girl who never depends her happiness on anyone other than herself. i dont wanna be the girl who thinks that swearing is alright.it is not alright but it does feel good. i wanna the girl who dances anytime she wants to, wherever, whenever.

i wrote that last year in March. and now its january 2012 and i have to say i pretty much becoming that girl i wanted to be. but now point 1 is impossible. I can't get good grades without sacrificing my time to study my ass off. and I have absolutely no time to dress up like how I want to, i usually just wear jeans, tshirt, cardigan, tanktops, and jacket.

I dont depend on money to boost my self-esteem and I party like crazy last year. yesterday I was trying to count how many times I went partying and I lost count here and there but for sure more than 10 times. 2 times house parties, 3 times salsa club, halloween clubbing, beginning of the year party, first pub, mizuki's birthday, margaret's birthday, my sis's birthday, karaoke bar, clubbing for my birthday, thats all i can remember now. and each one of those parties has at least 1 memorable thing which makes me laugh when i think about them. parties aren't bad but too much of parties won't help your grades. just sayin.

but now after becoming that girl i wanted to be, i have to reformulate the kind of woman i want to be..

so here it goes:

I want to be the kind of woman who knows her responsibilities and consequences and handle them well. the kind of woman who is passionate about what she loves and works extra hard to get what she wants. she will fixes things instead of complaining. she will not be satisfied being the "second" because she is born to be the first. the kind of woman who has a mind set that appearances are just outer layer of a person, and everyone, doesnt matter their skin colors, hair shape, heights, or intelligence, has their own life and problems. i wanna be the kind of woman who reads and writes . i want to be the kind of woman that's attractive because she is herself, who is demanded by girls to be their bestfriends and at the same time made guys turn their head because they questioned with awe in their head "Gosh, who is that girl?!". the kind of woman who has that sensibility to bring herself to the outer world and is able to balance fun and work. the kind of woman who smiles because she knows her smile if the prettiest there is. should there be a gentleman out there for her, she will not hesitate to fall in love and should there be jerks who want to play around, she shouldnt hold grudges, attractions are undeniable and its nobody's faults.most important of all: she travels and never stops travelling.

and that's the kind of woman i want to be.

2011-12-29T17:26:00.001-05:00

since yesterday ive been watching so you think you can dance routines especially the ones by marko and melanie. ive been watching them over and over and over again for the past 2 days. 10 hours in total probably and still, still not bored of it.

sometimes i wonder, if i wasn't born in indonesia, if i was born here in canada where any forms of art are much highly appreciated, would I have the courage to choose dance as my major?

would i actually become something more than just a school dance team member?

will i learn jazz or perfect my hiphop or perform in those world-class ballet showcases?

coz i seriously am in love with dancing since grade 1 in primary school and my parents have supported me competing and performing dance everywhere but theyre much rather attend my speech competition than my dance competition. if they had loved my passion in dancing as much as they love my passion in traveling and learning languages, would they have let me learn other genres of dances and would they be proud of me all the same?

2012 GOALS!

2011-12-28T20:34:00.001-05:00

so 2012 is actually in front of our eyes now.. i gotta start make a list of resolutions for 2012!

so here it goesssss:

1. GO TO ITALY (its been my dream to go to italy since forever so no kidding this time i gotta go there and stay there for 5 weeks to learn modern italian culture)

2. GO TO PARIS and see eiffel tower with your own eyes since you're already in italy. its really easy to go to paris if im in italy already.

3. get good marks for all my courses (eco202: 80, eco200: 76, eco220: 80, fsl205: 87, ita200: 86)

4. be able to make macchiatto, cappucino, and all types of espresso

5. go to vancouver at the end of the year (since the plan changed for this year)

6. able to bake 4 new cakes

7. workout at least 8 times a month

8. kill Style n Profyle performance in march

9. watch at least 1 musical show

10. be more openminded (go for at least 2 dates, try new food i used to hate, read books im not that interested in bcs of the title, try that gym class i dont even wanna try doing, watch indie movies, go to indie concert, wear a trikini, etc)

okk gotta copy paste this list and put it on the left side bar above this year's goal.

gonna leave 2011 very very soon

2011-12-27T14:17:00.003-05:00

Which was the best month for you and why?

june: sis wedding, korea trip. august: get my first job, dean's honours list, 19th birthday parties, rafting trip. october: leaving walmart, chicago and thanksgiving trip. november: get the bakery job

Which month(s) was the worst and why? april: final exam. ate like a pig

What was the most significant thing that happened this year? learn how to work, earn my own money

What person had the most impact on your life this year? friends and sis

What was the best concert that you attended? not attending any

What was your biggest challenge of 2011? learn how to have the right attitude for work. learn how to follow instructions from a superior. and of course eco200 will forever be my biggest enemy.

Your biggest regret? no regret

What moments stand out to you the most? korea trip, birthday,eco200 study sesh

What band did you listen to the most? the bird and the bees, ingrid michaelson, owl city, michael buble, nicki minaj, and other random top40 and house.

On a scale of 1-10, 2011 was: 8.9

Did you:

Meet anyone special? yes

Get close to someone you didn’t expect to? yes

Have a boyfriend or girlfriend? nop

Have a relationship for more than 3 months? nop

Hook up with anyone, no strings attached? yes

Experience the death of a loved one? nop

Get in a fight? nop

Lose a friend? nop

Get drunk? yes. multiple times.

Regret doing something? nope

Fall in love? not really

Fall out of love? yes

Get back together with an ex? nah

Enjoy being single? yessss!

Accomplish a goal? most of them

Learn something new?what are those? yeap def. never wear heels when goin downtown. dont cut your own bang right after you wake up. be yourself and dont try too hard to fit in. if you met someone wonderful but hes just playing around, well u can always play around too or if u dont feel like it, leave him, there are plenty other guys. be nice to everyone, especially your friends n boss. know what you want. face your fears, deal with it! its scary but you know you can do it!. leave your job if u dont like it, its not worth your time and energy. always be good to urself, be good to your heart and passion and take care of your body. there are reasons why they emphasize 8 hours sleep and workout regularly. experience is the best teacher, when something bad happens, deal with it and get over it, tomorrow is a new day and u can learn something from it.

Get arrested?nope

Break up with someone? nope

Get a tattoo? nope

Go to a party? yes

The New Year: 2012

What will you be doing on New Year’s Eve: downtown concert i think

Will you kiss anyone at midnight? no idea

Who do you WANT to kiss at midnight? no one

What is your New Year’s resolution? i'll post it later on

Did you keep your resolution from last year? yess!

Do you think things will be different in 2012? sure it will! im goin to italy in summerrr! and my sis will have a babyyy <3

What do you want most out of 2012? financial security, love well, eat well

Do you think 2012 will be better than 2011? absolutely!

Anything you are particularly looking forward to? italy tripppppp!!

There will be enough sleeping in the grave- Benjamin Franklin

2011-12-20T14:40:00.001-05:00

i think i rest more during school weeks rather than during christmas or summer break. i mean it.

last weekend, it was like me back in summer all over again. partying and working and hangin out back to back, sleeping is a secondary need. it started on Thursday when me and my UTM commerce friends went out to Alice Fazooli's and we exchanged presents in a game called secret santa. We had all signed up on Elfster, a website designed for secret santa events and the site made the draw for us so we didn't know who our "person" would be.

I got Aditya and Leo was my santa. we had a good dinner. i had penne di mare which is a seafood pasta and a glass of Valpolicella Ripasso wine which is my favorite. then we laughed and exchanged gifts and after we left Alice Fazooli's, we went to Tim Horton's and just talked about how we see ourselves in 10 years from now. it's pretty interesting listening to my friends's answers. well for me, 10 years from now, the way I see it today is I'm gonna be working, most likely not in Mississauga because I have to say it, it's boring. I would prob end up in Europe, which is my dream destination to work at. I wanna work in a multinational company, or government, or probably i will land my dream job; work in UN.

kids? marriage?

not in my plan. I personally think 29 is a young age. i know a lot of people think otherwise, especially for women, like we get older faster than guys, and we have productive time limits, and if we wait too long we might not get married at all. and all other stupid myths. but i still think 29 is a young age. I know that if i wait longer, by the time my kids are in highschool, ill be like 50 years old and I will look really old by then. but hey, kids is still a long term plan and according to Gary Becker, an epic economist, kids are inferior goods. not to mention if we have kids we have to spend money on their education, clothes, shoes, diapers, milk, strollers, and when theyre teenagers, oh gosh, i cant imagine having a daughter like myself. i'd prob shoot myself. so if i got married before 29, it's not because i changed my mind about 29 is a young age, its more because i wanted to, probably i meet someone who swooped me of my feet, kissed me in the middle of beaded barley, under the moonlit floor, fall madly truly deeply in love, what have you.

ok moving on...

on friday, I work from 3-8 and i went straight to Square One to meet up with Ela, Julie, and Mizuki and catch up on stories since we havent met each other for the whole semester and we only heard about each other's stories like just in a blow of wind. so we need to meet up and catch up.

i got home at 12 and i felt soo tired. but then on Saturday, me and my sister shopped for some ingredients to make red velvet cake, then we made 2 batches of it to be served for tomorrow's christmas party. and then that night there's this birthday party downtown. it's margaret's birthday party, shes the president of Rotaract Club. I wasnt sure if i wanna go, so i asked Kim, Aditya, Julie, and Shan. among those people, only Kim said she wouldnt go. the rest were like "just go! its christmas break! u can sleep when u die" and etc etc. so then I decided to get my ass off the couch and get ready for the party.

Amer, Vojo, and Prashant picked me up and we went straight downtown. i didnt know anyone at the beginning of the night, i only knew Amer, Saif, and Margaret but then at the end of the night i pretty much know everyone, this is why i love parties :) the thing is I have to go home at 2 because I have work the next day and I hav to wake up at 6.30! but then we all got carried away so we stayed a bit longer, then Amer lost his jacket in the coat check, thats another 20 mins before he found his jacket. shortly after, Prashant drove us all back to Mississauga coz he's the DD.

i got home at 3, showered, slept at 3.30. woke up at 6.30. my head was all dizzy but i know i HAVE to get up as the consequence of going to the birthday party downtown.. so i dragged myself to the bathroom, get ready, try to make myself presentable, put on my old jeans and sweater, had a cup of coffee and 2 pancakes with maple syrup then walked myself to the bakery. that's like 20 mins under the snow and it was freezing!

but I can proudly say, i managed to get through work time. i accidentally sliced my thumb with a very sharp knife while trimming the prosciutto but it's okay now. after 7 hours of work, i went home at 3 and I really really really really wanna sleep. no kidding. I was falling asleep on my couch when my sister got home and it meant we have to get ready for another christmas party in our friend's apartment.

oh God...

i walked myself to the bathroom and washed my face, washed my hair, and get ready for another christmas party. I put on some make up, tried to find green shirt because the event required us to wear green shirt if we're single, red if in a relationship and yellow if ure unsure of your relationship. then we went to Yos's house to pick up some food, and we headed straight to the apartment. the party was fun and the food was superb! turkey, meatloaf, stuffings, mashed potatoes, gravy, brocolli and cheddar soup, pita bread with spinach dip, and apple pie, red velvet, and ice cream for dessert.

we also played a game called Dirty Santa. it's a new game for us but it was so much fun! at the end of the night I got a coffee maker, my sister got a set of speaker, my cousin got a set of absolut vodka in little bottles and chocolates. we cleaned up after that, got home at 12, get ready for bed. i slept from 1 am to 11 am! it was a pretty good revenge =p

and yesterday i got up and went for movies with my friends. we watched Sherlock Holmes, The Game of Shadows and it's a really really good movie! i recommend it to everyone and if ure reading this, you should watch it too!

okay now its tuesday and the tiredness from the weekend hasnt worn off. plus i got sicker so i would just stayed home today, wrapped some gifts for my uncle and cousins, cleaned the house, laundry, and enjoy my actual break :)

tomorrow im gonna meet up with my italian presentation group and discuss the presentation we have to do in january. then im going to Miga for rotaract mini execs and execs lunch!

til next time lovelies!

p.s: CHRISTMAS IN 5 DAYS WOOHOOO!

ada apa dengan cinta

2011-12-09T12:40:00.001-05:00

kemarin malem gw nonton Ada Apa Dengan Cinta di Youtube, dan walaupun udah nonton 5 kali, rasanya film itu teteppp bakalan jadi film indo favorit gw. ceritanya klise tp ada twists yang ngga biasa. nonton AADC bikin gw kangeeeeeeeen bgt sama SMA. nonton temen2 tanding di lapangan, teriak2 sorak2in mereka, organisasi2 sekolah, istilah "mading" yang udah lamaaaa bgt ga gw baca/denger, sesi curhat sama temen2 cewe, buku curhat, dan upacara bendera.

2 jam gw nonton AADC rasanya seperti nostalgia masa2 SMA lagi dan detik berikutnya gw sadar SMA itu multimillion light years away from i am now. okay itu berlebihan, tapi beneran rasanya udah jauuuuh bgt dari gw sekarang. sekarang gw di canada, hari ini gw harus k bakery dan kerja, harus menghadapi "hidup" lah istilahnya, dan pas nonton bagian pas Cinta ngejar Rangga ke airport, dan perpisahan di airport, itu bener2 ngingetin gw sama perpisahan gw di airport taun 2010 lalu. pas pisah2an di airport we had ABSOLUTELY no idea bakalan jadi gimana hidup kita di masa depan dan kita ngga tau kalo kita ngga akan kontek2an sesering dulu.

baru kali ini gw bener2 menghayati yang namanya masa2 SMA ngga bisa diulang. semua masa hidup kita di masa lalu emang ngga bisa diulang, bukan SMA doang, tapi SMA itu bener2 masa2 yang indah. dan dulu sih rasanya penyiksaan banget harus sekolah, pulang jem 8 malem demi urusin loren cup, stress diomelin Bu Lena, latihan dance tiap istirahat kedua, dapet detensi kalo telat, harus nyeker kalo kaos kaki ngga cukup tinggi, dan sebagainya. tapi beneran, SMA dan SMP itu masa yang indah..

dan ini puisi terakhir Rangga buat Cinta dan ini salah satu puisi favorit gw..

Perempuan datang atas nama cinta
Bunda pergi karena cinta
Digenangi air racun jingga adalah wajahmu
Seperti bulan lelap tidur dihatimu
Yang berdinding kelam dan kedinginan
Ada apa dengannya
Meninggalkan hati untuk dicaci
Baru sekali ini aku melihat karya surga dalam mata seorang hawa
Ada apa dengan cinta
Tapi aku pasti akan kembali
Dalam satu purnama
Untuk mempertanyakan kembali cintanya
Bukan untuknya
Bukan untuk siapa
Tapi untukku
Karena aku ingin kamu
Itu saja

dan setelah AADC rasanya film2 indonesia lain cuma ikut2an AADC. cowo yang cuek dan dingin, cewe yang ceria dan berani. semuanya ikut2an doang. mungkin ini cuma pendapat gw tp rasanya ga mungkin ada yg bs ngalahin cerita AADC. ada unsur2 sastranya, ada tentang persahabatannya, ada tentang politik dan keluarga. pokoknya paling top lah!

2011-12-05T16:07:00.001-05:00

yesterday at work, i had just been informed that there will be a christmas dinner party with everyone working at the bakery. this dinner party will be my 4th christmas party. on dec 15th i will have a secret santa dinner with my friends, we booked a nice place and we gonna do the santa draw tomorrow. then on the 18th is the christmas dinner with bakery people and i have to bus it to my friend's apartment because we will have a slutty santa event. i know the name sounds wrong but its also a game and involving presents but theres no specific person you want to give it to. and as always dec 24th is family dinner with my uncle, aunt, cousins, me n my sis.

the thing is, i really wanna go to the christmas dinner from my work place because i want to get to know the people better. it's like when you move to other school, u have no friend at all, u have to adapt to things and adapt to the preexisted environment. it's like that. okay, the scope isnt as big as university, but before i came there, people know each other well. they're used to each other and they know each other. now that i'm there, as a new person, a stranger, i have to adapt to how things are there. they don't know me, they don't know my background, my history, my friends, where i live, who i live with, and the same goes to them, i don't know them at all. and because we see each other 12 hours per week, i know i have to get to know them and let them know me as well or else work time would be dreadfullll.

so just a lil recap of what's happening now..

im in my winter break now, i have the whole month off. i've passed my first school-free week and it's been a packed week. i baked banana bread, went to the gym, spent 300 bucks on TNA jacket, cut my own bangs and ruined it, met up with my friends, grocery shopping, work 3 days this week, dinner and bowling too. so today i planned on goin to the gym and go to the bank but when i woke up this morning, my stomach felt funny and i started vomiting and i got diarrhea. oh my god, def not the best day. so i cancelled the whole plan, i didnt know what to do, im too scared and too weak to go up and down the stairs, so i just slept few more hours. at 1 pm i woke up and i felt better already, so following my mom's advice i went downstairs and cooked some rice porridge, which is what i always had when i was sick in Indonesia.

because i don't know how to make it, i just poured more water than usual to the rice cooker container and turned on the "cook" button. and hey, it worked! so i filled my stomach with something edible and i watched greys anatomy while waiting for my laundry to be done.

tomorrow is tuesday, i am goin to the bank and do my grocery, then im gonna go home n try to bake walnut torte with dark rum. or if im too lazy to bake then im just gonna hit the gym =p

sometimes i dont know what i should do with all these free time, but then i realized theres always something to be done (including much-delayed bathtub scrubbing and put up christmas decorations) so i am enjoying my break right now and hopefully i dont gain weight again with all these dinner parties :)

anyways, id like to update my goals for 2011:

i volunteered for Rotaract club in festival of light. we sold cookies and hot chocolate and all the profits goes to END POLIO campaign. it was soo packed and people kept coming to buy our hot choc and cookies. we ran out of stuffs an hour earlier than expected. yay!

so im gonna scratch

~~9. volunteer! at least once~~

and about the losing 7 kgs of weight, i honestly don't know how much i weigh now because i dont have weight scale. but ever since i work at walmart my clothes size shrunk from medium or large to small! i couldnt even remember when was the last time i had small as my clothes size. and for the new TNA jacket i bought xtra small. it fits me well and it serves as a reminder of not gaining more weight because i saved a lot of money for that jacket =p

so am also scratching that point from my goal. i put 7 kgs there because i just wanna fit to size small and now i really am!

~~5. lost at least 7 kgs (ambitious.. but not impossible)~~

i am so happy that i reached most of my goals for 2011. okay i didnt get any scholarship and i havent saved approx. 1500 for vancouver but my plan has changed now.. i dont wanna go to vancouver anymore, im going to Italy for summer abroad program and 1500 can only cover the flight ticket. so i am going to change my goal for next year :)

okay then thats all

im going back to my greys anatomy!

2011-11-29T15:57:00.001-05:00

for me to lose myself
it's so easy
like a common knowledge
of how when girls stand too close to guys
and guy would kiss the girl

well
don't stare at me
don't stare at me at all.

i was out with friends.

it was a night of celebration.

we danced

screw those marks we get at school

screw those hours we spent at the library

screw the shitty job and shitty wage we get

tonight we are free

we have not a thing to be done

we are not entitled to any entity

we belong to us

our mind and body, belong to us

a pair of gentle eyes

so familiar to me. so distant but so dear

no word has been spoken to each other

since the first day we saw each other
and for the days after days after days

not a smile, not any kind gesture.

"maybe its not him,

maybe someone just looks awfully a lot like him"

but then a brush of skin, a grip around my arm

i stopped my steps and

i looked up and there he was again

with the same eyes
the same deep eyes

im not hallucinating

im not that drunk.

i think ive seen you before

he replied

yes we work together

there

we exchanged some kind of civilized gesture

finally after 2 months

after 2 fucking months of stares

like 10-year-old kids

or maybe we just never grown up?

it's so easy to lose myself

there

my body and mind aren't mine anymore

there

so simple. so brief. so short.

then my brain exploded to million tiny pieces

of questions

of demands

of expectations.

so don't stare at me

don't stare at me at all

2011-11-20T16:50:00.001-05:00

well hello again peeps. today is sunday november 20th 2011 and im just lying down on my cream sofa in my bedroom, too exhausted to move. i'm just done with my work 2 hours ago, started at 8 in the morning and ended at 3 pm. I thought there would be bus at 8 turned out there's no bus so i had to wake up extra early and walked there for 20 mins or so, cutting the forest beside the Lisgar Middle School and had to endure the stares from some dogowners in the football field as I crossed the field towards the forest. me, a girl with no dog, at 7.30 in the morning, holding a tumblr, with a leather jacket and runners, walking towards the trees. i would stare at myself too if i were them.

i managed to get there at 8.05 and quickly prepare myself by putting on the white apron, pinned my bang, tied my hair so then I look clean as what people expect deli girls should look like.then from that time on, I'm just all busy till around 12 ish when I had my lunch time. I had chicken parmigiana and some penne. then 10 mins later my sister and auntie rethy came to visit and bought some pastries.

at 3 pm, I punched my card and walked back home while eating a banana. but then I couldnt find any garbage can to throw the banana skin away, so when I saw a middle aged man got out of his garage, I asked him whether I can throw my banana skin in his garbage can. he looked confused for split seconds but then he laughed. then he asked whats my name and whether I live around the area. I told him I work in Britannia Italian Bakery and he said "really i nver seen u there" i replied "yeah i work on sundays and fridays". he asked my name and he said he was the first family to move to the area 20 years ago, the same year Britannia Italian Bakery opened. he said there was nothing around the area at that time, it was mostly just farm.

he wished me a good weekend and i wished him the same.

i love random conversation with random strangers, it feels so magical. among that many houses, who wouldve thought the man would got out of his house while i was looking for a garbage can. the chance of that happening must be sooo thin.

yesterday, me my sister, my first sister, her husband, and her husband's parents went for a sushi buffet and then we went to Tiny Hearts for a 3D ultrasound. we were led to a huge room with a bed, 2 large white sofas with dim lights. there was a huge screen at the front, it almost felt like were in a movie theatre. from thebig screen, we can see the baby moves around in my sis's belly. it's not just the usual black n white, we can also see the actual face and what the baby is doing. the baby looked really thin, hasnt built up some fat. i saw the shoulder bones, and the back bones, and the umbilical cord. the baby kept covering the face but then we could see it has 5 fingers, 2 normal legs, 2 normal hands, nose, eyes, mouth. and the baby yawned! omggg, the cutest thing everrr!

after that we went for dinner at Our Thai in Vaughan and went home at around 11 pm.

i love weekends like this.

have a good weekend you guys!

second year is harder and so be it

2011-11-15T23:10:00.001-05:00

today I had my last eco200 test of the semester. next week is the last week of classes and its followed by exam period. I don't have any exam because all my courses are all full year courses and I'm grateful for that. I finally gonna have 1 month break. break of all these craziness I've been through for the past 3 months and it hasn't been an easy ride. so allow me to rant....

my eco200 marks are 20, 60, 60, 60 and i dont know what I'm gonna get in the test that I just wrote today. If anyone asked me how i'm doing at school, I'd say it's a fast downfall into a deep deep hole which I don't know where it may lead. the average for that class is 40 ish. not even reaching 50. eco202, I did pretty good, I got 80. should I feel good about myself? no. because the class average is 79! and eco220, i got 29/40, the class average is freakin 27/40.

my initial goal was to stay as hard as i can in the Dean's List, so that next year in summer im gonna get another letter from the Dean's office saying that i'm in the dean's honors list for year 2012. but now i have to reassess my goals, it's gonna be pretty impossible to stay in the Dean's list. I mean, a girl can't possibly have everything she wants, right? otherwise her life would be perfect. and perfection doesn't exist in this cruel world.

I have my family, I have a house, I have a good job that's close to my house, I got to style n profyle and im gonna do Bollywood dance, I have the opportunity to travel halfway around the world to study, to learn something that I can't never learned had I stayed in my homecountry, I had experienced a lot of stuffs that has crashed me, melted me, moulded me, reformed me into who I am today. and it wasn't easy.

if people say second year university is harder than first year so it's okay to get bad marks, I'd be the first person to object that. I don't believe that at all. last year wasn't easy, we said it's easy because we got through it safe and sound. we got into the programs we wanted, some didn't, but we got through first year. now we're in second year and people are saying the materials are harder, they don't have enough time to do this and that. well I know some people who have 2 part time jobs or even 3, and still get high GPA. genetics? probably, but i know for sure they work their asses off at one point of their life, may it be now, or maybe when they were little when they were in some asian countries so that now they can get high marks.

so shut up rambling about not having time, not having the brain capacity, not having the intelligence, about people are smarter than you, richer than you, prettier than you, luckier than you.

great people didn't just happen.

people told me that I'm lucky because I know where i'm goin with my life. I don't exactly know where I'm heading but I know what I like, what I want, what I'm passionate about. and I build my life around it because it would suck to go thorugh life doing something I don't even like.

my IQ is freakin 113.

lower than most people at UTM i believe, even lower than most of my friends in highschool.

who am i to say all these stuffs? me rambling about this stuff may sound really stupid to anyone reading this. because it may not making any sense to you and it's okay for me.

second year is harder. and so be it.

Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.

— ― H. Jackson Brown Jr.

weekend getaway: Chicago!

2011-11-08T18:37:00.000-05:00

so i know I have no right to comment on Chicago since I was only there for 1 and a half day. but I just wanna say it's easily one of my top favorite city now. last weekend, me, my sister, julie, adam, and Dhana went for a weekend getaway crossing the border to the US with final destination: Chicago.

by far, this is the craziest weekend plan ever. not only because it was decided 2 hours before, but because the original plan was going to Buffalo which is 2-3 hours away from Toronto. Buffalo is located in the US too but it's just a small city and we wanted to shop there since the taxes are low in the US unlike Canada, 13 percent tax -.-

that Friday I was at walmart, working for my last shift from 4.30-10.30. it felt sad but i could feel a surge of anticipation as the clock hit 9 pm. 1.5 more hours then im freeeeeee!

but then my sister texted me she asked "do u wanna go to chicago?" then before i could reply she wrote "tonight"

i was like "what? ure crazy! how bout our plan to buffalo? and what should I do with julie?" coz like the plan was Julie will come with us to Buffalo. she replied "just ask her too! yes we're leaving tonight. okay?"

and I replied "but i dont have a lot of money tho, how much will it cost?" and she said "$60 ish for hotel and gas and the rest is ur personal spending" so then I agreed. I texted Julie to ask and she's more worried about the fact that she didn't have any US currency more than about where and how long we gonna stay.

so then I told her to pack up and we'd pick her up at 10.40. at 10.30 my sis picked me up, went to Julie's house, then to my house to pack up real quick. 20 mins preparation! then Dhana and Adam arrived. we booked a hotel 40 mins away from downtown chicago and around 40 mins to the premium factory outlet too. so if you look at the map downtown chicago, hotel, and premium outlet formed like little triangle.

I remembered my mom gave me a $100 US dollar in a red packet for Chinese New Year and she also gave me some US money before I left Indonesia as a precaution in case i need it during the transfers or flight.

so then we hit the road at 12.30 ish. we passed the border without any major problem, it only took us 30 mins for the border check. then we drove 5 hours from the border til we got to Chicago. my sister, Dhana, and Adam took turns driving the car and I sat on the front passenger seat to talk and sing and prevent the driver from falling asleep. but when its my sister's turn which was around 3 a.m i fell asleep and woke up an hour later.

we made 2 stops at tim horton's and at mcdonalds. we got to chicago at around 10 in the morning, Chicago time. we didn't even know that Chicago and Toronto has an hour time difference which just shows how unprepared we were. when we stopped at McD, we were like "it's 7 already why is it so dark?!" turned out that it was still 6 in chicago.

our first stop was White Castle! if you've ever watched Harold and Kumar movie, there's this one i think its the second movie, they went through a lot of trouble and adventures just to get to White Castle burger place. so when we saw White Castle we just wanna stop by to know how good it actually tastes like. and it was delicious! especially the jalapeno cheese one!

right after that we went to an italian restaurant to have deep dish pizza, which apparently is the must-try dish in Chicago. and it was really delicious too! we ordered 2 10" pan pizza, one bbq chicken and the other one i forgot. we had gelato as dessert and right after that we dropped by our hotel to check in and take shower. i felt so gross after the whole night on the road and my hair and face were just oily and clumpy, I just HAD to take a shower.

in the hotel, we got free wi-fi service so I can use my bbm. Kim told me to go to Bandera which is her fav restaurant in Chicago and to michigan avenue. Given then I've never been to chicago and this whole trip was just so sudden without any preparation whereas she's been to chicago 5 times, i just had to trust her.

after showering we went to premium outlet which is our main destination of the whole trip. we only had 3 hours there before dinner time. i know eh, everything was done in such a short period of time, crunch time!

so me and julie separated ourselves, my sister wandered around by herself, and the two guys i didn't even know where they went. after spending so much time trying on shoes (which is our main reason to go shop in the US) and couldn't find anything, we just switched to clothes instead. i got 2 sweaters from tommy hilfiger and a sweater from J.Crew and a tank top and a baggy top from Rue21. then we met up in front of Adidas store as previously decided and we went to downtown Chicago for dinner..

we wanted to try Cheesecake factory since we're in the US alrdy but when we got there, the line up was sooo long, we had to wait 1.5 hours and we were starving , so we just want something else. I told them about the restaurant called Bandera which kim recommended. then adam tried to find wi-fi, looked it up in google and turned out the restaurant is like 10 mins walking distance from cheesecake factory.

i think Chicago is such a classy city. old buildings with wall carvings, horse carriages, statues, well-dressed people, ah-may-zing shops (macy's, topshop,nordstrom, disney world shop,abercrombie, hollister, forever 21, victoria secret, all lining up the streets) , and yummy food. people are nice, prices aren't bad, tax is lower than Toronto, weather is pretty warm without the wind. a lot of the streets have second name in honor to someone famous. starbucks can be found in every corner, i saw the biggest McDonald's in my life too.i just love it. i love love love it.

because we were so fascinated by them, we didn't realize that we passed Bandera already. we kept walking down til we found Marilyn Monroe statue, passed the Chicago Tribune building, then we realized if we walked some more, we would reach the pier! so then we decided to start walking back and then we found the restaurant.

it is inside a condominium-like building and when we got there we had to wait 30 mins. we ordered different food, i had chicken and spanish rice, adam got like steak and caesar salad, Dhana got kobe beef and enchilada. the appetizer was heaven. spinach dip and tortilla but the tortillas were warm and tasted different. its like home-made tortilla.

after dinner we walked back to where we parked our car and we drove back to the hotel, exhausted.

slept around 1.30 in the morning Chicago time, but then the next day there was daylight saving! so we got 1 more hour of sleep which we needed so badly.

my mom bbmed me and my sister and she was like "you guys are in Chicago?! why didnt u tell me!? whose idea was that and who drove? where do u guys stay?" and a bunch other questions regarding our sudden escape to Chicago in the middle of the night. it was so funny, i cant imagine being my mom. she knew about our plan to Buffalo but she had no idea we're going to chicago. she bbmed me and my sis and no one replied, it wasnt even delivered. so she asked my first sister and she told my mom we were in chicago. she must've been so shocked.

the next day we had a relaxing breakfast at the hotel and we went to Millenium Park right after that. we got to see the famous Cloud Gate and walk around the bridge. took some pics there too!

then afterwards we went to Cemitas Puebla which is a mexican restaurant featured in Diners, Drive Ins and Dives in Food Network. here's the pic! its mexican bread with sesame seed, i would say its mexican burger. it has avocado cheese meat and onions inside and we can put our preferred sauce on it.

then we went back to Canada at around 2 pm.

its so sad that we have to say goodbye to Chicago. it has definitely been a great weekend and a great getaway!

Chicago, Chicago--that toddlin' town.
Chicago, Chicago--I will show you around. I love it.
Bet your bottom dollar you'll lose the blues in Chicago, Chicago.
The town that Billy Sunday couldn't shut down.

On State Street, that great street, I'd just want to say -
They do things they don't do on Broadway.
They have the time, the time of their life.
I saw a man, he danced with his wife.
In Chicago, Chicago, my home town.

Chicago, Chicago--that toddlin' town.
Chicago, Chicago--I'll show you around. I love it.
Bet your bottom dollar you'll lose the blues in Chicago, Chicago.
The town that Billy Sunday could not shut down.

On State Street that great street, I'd just like to say -
They do things that they never do on Broadway.
They have the time, the time of their life.
I saw a man, he danced with his wife.
In Chicago... Chicago... Chicago.
That's my hometown

Frank Sinatra-Chicago

what i want right now

2011-10-24T22:23:00.003-04:00

Hello new job!

2011-10-24T00:10:00.003-04:00

got accepted in the bakery! yeaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!!!

ill come by there again this tuesday, she'll give me my punch card and she'll need my information.

she wanted me to start working officially on Friday but too bad this Friday Im gonna have ECO220 midterm and halloween party which have been planned since a long time ago. so i told her i can't and she said its okay we'll figure something out tuesday..

last Friday I came there at 2 and left at 7.44. I met her son, Alberto 10 years old, very sweet and cute and nice. her husband who also runs the place, Rob. and we had dinner together, homemade ravioli, ginger Chicken, and some bitter salad.

I started to remember the main meat now like black forest ham, prosciutto, parma prosciutto, rosemary, oven roasted turkey, sopresata venetta, sopresata calabrese, and also the main cheese like provolone, mozzarella, provolone saputo, and bocconcini.

I also started to build up my speed and learned how to make sandwiches, Hona also showed me how to make cappucino, macchiato, espresso, and hot chocolate.

I know some people said I should asked the owner whether I got paid during the training days, but I didn't because I didn't feel like it. I feel like I learned something new, something I'm actually interested at, and I learned it without spending any money. so just the fact that I learned something without spending money actually made me happy. I know, weird eh? but i don't care.

the owner also offered a ride for me home which I refused because I said i'd catch the bus. I went outside and realized I missed the bus already. so then I tried to walk back home, it only took me 20 mins!

God, why are You so nice to me?

If it’s true your life flashes past your eyes before you die, then it is also the truth that your life rushes forth when you are ready to start to truly be alive. — Amy Hempel

2011-10-20T20:40:00.000-04:00

today is a historical day for me.

i know its been a while since the last time i wrote here, i swear its not that I dont remember, it's just that even though i remember, i really don't have time to write here and sometimes all the events and stories i want to write are jumbled up or just some emotional burst or some rants which I'm pretty sure I don't want to read later on when I'm revisiting my old posts.

so with that in mind.. i'd like to make updates about my life.

today October 20th 2011, I learned how to quit a job.

i learned how to quit a job by talking face to face with my manager and although it scared me to death (I've been thinking about how to do this since forever) but I managed to do it and I can't find other words for my feelings but I'm damn proud of myself!

you know how much I hate my job and my manager by reading my previous posts and I'd imagined the day I quit my job would be like the best day ever, but in reality, not really.

It's not that phenomenal, because at one point i do realize i've cut down my earnings and income, I've cut down all the relationships i've built in walmart and people working there are so so so so nice! I hate it that everytime I wanna leave something or quit doing something, all the good memories just rushed back to my brain and it made me think twice or three times before actually doing it.

but my main point here is that: I've quit my job.

aside from that one event, these past weeks have been so crazy for me.

I had 3 midterms this week, thank God I'm done with them as of today. I had eco200 last tuesday, ita200 last wednesday and today is eco202. so 3 consecutive days of hell and since before last tuesday, I spent my weekend mornings in the library studying with Ric, Matin, and Julie and worked right after that for 6 hours.both saturday and sunday. while my sis went downtown with our friends and tried new cafe downtown. damn!

I was literally a dead body, a zombie with very bad black circles under my eyes from lacking sleep, lacking nutritious food, and too much stress. i worked 4 days in a row, thurs, friday, saturday, and sunday. so when monday comes, i'm not at all refreshed nor am i excited for the week.

my eco200 test which I spent a week studying for got 3/5. again..

this is my 3rd test and getting 3/5 doesn't seem good to me. my group test got the same mark so overall my mark doesn't change.

that same day in the evenings, i went to the italian bakery/deli for my second tryout. this time i could actually sliced the meat and packed them and attended customers by myself., it was nervewrecking for sure but everything went well. the only part i'm scared of is the part where the customer told me what they want and I have to know exactly which one are those out of the other 40 different meat that looks awfully the same to me (please excuse my lack of knowledge in cooking).

i didn't know that slicing different meat needs different measurement in thickness and I didn't know there are 40+ types of meat that exist in this world.

italians clearly LOVE meat.

but the owner of the bakery hasn't decided whether she wants to hire me or not, she wanted me to come again tomorrow and probably we'll see after that...

there are so many confusions this past week because I don't know whether I should quit walmart now or not, because quitting now means I still have to work for the extra 2 weeks anyway since it's the law. but then again after those 2 weeks, what if the bakery/deli doesn't hire me? im gonna be jobless!

but I have to say I LOVE the job. I would be so grateful if I got accepted there. I love the place, it's such a small cute place and people come there to have coffee, cakes, tea, to buy bread, pastries, meat, cheese, cookies, etc. the owner is so nice and the mom of the owner is the one who make all the cooked italian food that they sell.

last tuesday nearing the end of the shift, we had dinner together. me, the girl who train me who's called Hona, the mom of the owner, and the husband of the mom. the owner herself has gone somewhere for a late appointment. so it was us four and let me tell you this...

it was THE BEST spaghetti i have ever tasted my whole life.

you may think im exaggerating but i swear im not. theres nothing in the spaghetti, no meat no cheese no meatballs or seafood or any other stuffs. it was just spaghetti and the sauce. but it was heaven. and that's how I know it's the best spaghetti ive ever tasted.

the mom of the owner clearly know how to cook. and in the authentic italian way of course.

oh yea,,,

to add to my list of updates, i'm accepted to Style and Profyle! wooohhhoooo!!

i forgot whether I've told this thing but I'm gonna say it again anyway..

theres this club in UTM called Style and Profyle and what they do is they perform dance and fashion show to raise money for good causes. there was an audition for this around a month ago and I tried for both modelling and dancing. lots of my friends said don't try the dance audition because it's hard but i came to the dance audition anyway.

it was...

HARD

we had to do 3 different routines. the first one is jazz/contemp, second is latin and third is hip hop. and holy mother of god, it was difficult. not just to memorize but to actually switch from one genre to the other..

but on tuesday i got the email from the execs and i made it =D

oh yea...

i'm also involved in UTM Rotaract Club since Margaret, the co-president made me a miniexec for the club.it's a very good club because they are concern about health education and humanitarian. Rotaract is like the smaller group under Rotary club (if you dont know what that is, google!) for 18-30 years old.i have to help them with the events and the funny thing is I'm chosen because she said i'm interested in the international stuffs. well i am, its just that no one ever said that to me. ONE MORE GOAL SCRATCHED!

~~10. join a club. or make one! and stick with it (go to the meetings, to the events, etc)t~~

i think i've said to many oh yeas

okay i'll just end my post here..

tomorrow i'm going to the bakery again, please pray for me so that i will actually got hired there.

pleasethankyoukbye.

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…

— Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. — Albert Einstein

2011-10-02T20:28:00.000-04:00

sometimes i feel like someone, somewhere is watching over me.

the thought of it comforted me a lot of times especially when I'm worrying about something in the distant future, and it always makes me so grateful everytime I feel lucky.

take for an example, today's weather. it's sunday october 2nd and it was suppose to rain and cold all day. i checked the weather forecast from last night and it says it will rain in the morning and afternoon and shower at night. i was sighing silently because today I had work from 10-4.30 which meant I had to commute with 2 buses under the rain.

but no.

it wasn't raining at all. it's just gloomy and a bit windy but not too bad. I had my tumbler with coffee and a jacket so I'm good.

then during the hours of my work, few customers came up to me just to ask where do we put umbrellas? in which section? and I asked them is it raining outside? and they said yes. during lunch I went to the foodcourt and yes, it was raining crazily outside and it was cold too.

but then at 4.30 pm when Im done with my shift and I walk to the bus stop, it wasn't raining at all. it was dry, the ground was dry, no sign of raining, no puddle. I was beyond tired because today me and my coworker had to unpacked a bunch of boots and we had to rearranged everything. then as i sat in the corner of the bus with my head leaned backward, eyes closed and earphones plugged, that simple thought of "having someone watching over me" came up to me again. and whoever that someone is, probably God, i will never gonna be able to express my gratitude to Him.

not just in weather..

another example would be when I'm trying to find a job.

I applied to this bakery near my house last month and the owner said I should call her if she hadn't called me back in 2 weeks. then after 2 weeks i called her back and she said she's making a new schedule so I should call her in the next 2 weeks. during that 1 full month I work at walmart and I learned the hard way that there are different people in this world, and not everyone would be nice to you. it's not like the environment I grew up in where people are nice to me, they respect me and my family.

but in walmart, no. everyone has the same rights and privileges. bosses/managers are the people you should listen to and talking behind their back is a common thing to do with your coworkers.

I met this chinese man named Jin Ping who works in Dry Groceries section. I estimate his age would be around early 40s. he has glasses, and the front of his head is bald which reminds me of my dad all the time. he always greets me and I always greet him. he always reminds me to eat regularly, to eat nutritious food. which is something my dad always says. his accent is so thick up to a point where sometimes I don't understand what he's trying to say. so I infer a lot from the context of our conversation.

last friday we had the same break time so we sat on one table with another brown man named Kazi. Jin Ping kept saying to me to quit walmart and focus on my study. he said it's not worth it to work hard but then I get so tired and not focusing on my studies. he was my age too when he first worked and he got so into it because he was proud he could earned his own money. but then his marks went down and his friend who didn't work got good marks and got transferred to US for medical school. he said he was so stupid for not studying hard and I should not repeat his mistake.

he's right at some points. but i told him I have a plan to go for student exchange and I need money for that. Kazi said just keep working at walmart but less hours. howwww?? we don't have that many people in shoes, I can't ask for less hours.

sometimes after those evening shifts and while waiting for my bus, I kept having nervous breakdowns. the wind was so strong, it gave me chill to my spine. my stomach was growling, my legs were pushed to work the hardest it could and the thought of having to go home to homeworks and assignments and morning classes were so horrible. my body just begged me for rest but I can't rest because I have to study. and at the moments like that I just couldn't contain it. I had to let some silent tears out or else I would explode.

long story short.. after another 2 weeks I called the bakery again. I was at school in CCT building when I called her just because I want to know whether I got the job. if I didn't then there's no point in hanging on to the hope of "quitting walmart and work in the bakery".

when I called her i said "hi Patricia, this is Agita." and she was like "Agita? from?" and I was going to elaborate more about myself before she said "Ohh! Agita, yeah I remember you! listen Agita, I got a job for you but its on weekends, would that be okay?"

i was like "on weekends only? that's perfect! how many hours?"

"well it can be anywhere from 11-16 hours"

11-16 hours!the same hours I get in walmart except I don't have to go home so late at night under the cold weather, travelling with 2 buses, and missed eco200 lecture the next morning because I'm exhausted after working the night before.

so I said "okay perfect!"

and she asked me to come talk to her or call her this coming week.

I was SOOO happy. you have no idea. I ran to Julie who was sitting on the bench waiting for me to be done with my phonecall. I jumped in front of her with a wide smile on my face. she asked me "do you get the jobb?!" and I said "I think I almost get it" and I can't stop smiling. so guys, wish me luck this tues! I'm gonna come there to chat with her which i suppose would be an informal interview.

after that phonecall I can't stop thanking God or whoever is up there. You're so nice to me. thanks for giving me invaluable experiences and most of all, thanks for watching over me.

every single time.

2011-10-02T00:08:00.000-04:00

people asked me a lot of times. why do I put my name as Aurelia as my first name on facebook? is Agita my middle name? what is baptism name?

no, Agita is my first name. Aurelia is my baptism name. i understand people don't get baptism name here. but they do in Indonesia and usually parents chose them for their kids because they were baptised when they were little.

but not me.

my mom forgot to baptised me because she was busy with her business. i got baptised in 2009 so i got to choose my own saint name. my guardian angel.

i like my name. Aurelia is the only name i got to choose for myself. my mom gave an incredible name, Agita and my dad gave me my last name Wijaya and the church gave me my confirmation name, Helena. then what so i got to choose? nothing? no. i choose Aurelia and it's my name, i have the right to put it on facebook or twitter or whatever social networking site i want to. i wish that name is my real legal official name..

I hate to see so many girls have that name. Aurelia. but they're not the type of girl i want to be.

Also known as Aurelia of Ratisbon

Saint Aurelia is a tenth-century Roman Catholic Austrian saint.

She was a princess, member of the royal family of Hugh Capet, who became a hermitess to escape marriage. She spent more than fifty years as a recluse in Salzburg, Austria, in a Benedictine abbey. Only Bishop Wolfgang of Ratisbon knew that she was even alive.

Her feast day is celebrated on October 15.

Her name of Latin origin means "Golden"

that's what wikipedia said.

she is my guardian angel

Golden.

like the sun. golden.

There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you’d better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s saying.—Sarah Dessen

2011-09-13T23:58:00.003-04:00

sometimes being a university student has its own cost. its only been week 2 since school started and already i feel so lonely every now and then.

now, i never go online in the middle of the day anymore, i lost contact with my friends in Indonesia. I talked to few people at UTM but when it's study time, i can easily find myself in the library doing some calculations and thinking "where do all my friends go?" and the answer to that is very simple because i actually know where they were. they have lectures, tutorials, works, meetings, interviews, bookstore, etc. and with that answer i tried to convince myself to be busy too, to do some more calculations, to do some more homeworks. but i dread every minute of it. I hate being lonely. I don't mind being alone because I know i can be an individualist sometimes, but loneliness is probably the worst feeling on earth. it feels like no one really cares for you, no one talks to you or ask you about how your day is or just ask what im up to.

after doing all those studying, ill be on my way to Walmart to work on 4-6 hours shift with my coworker who are all adults 40-50 y.o and not that much fun to talk to. i have to smile to every customer in 3 metre distance because thats the rule and even though i have a bad day, i will smile.

even though i have arranged all those dainty heels perfectly on the shelves, when a customer threw everything down to try them one by one, i have to keep lifting them from the ground and put them on the shelves all over again with a smile.

when a woman said nasty stuff to me, i should just keep saying sorry and although she said it with so much attitude that I could slap her in the face, i should just take a deep breath and say to myself "this is not gonna be long"

by the time my shift ends, it'll be 10.30 pm already and all I wanna do is just go home and sleep..

so then i'll got on bus number 48, smiling to the same driver every night, then got off at britannia and erin mills parkway. cross the street, wait 10 minutes for bus number 39 that will take me home. then i will walk myself to the door of my house, unlock it, enter my house and the first thing that i do is usually eat something. then after filling my stomach with something edible, i will go upstairs, take a shower, check emails n facebook, then go to bed and sleep.

the next morning, the routine repeats itself..

is this really my life?

really, Agita?

i cant differentiate it from my worst nightmare.it feels like i'm just an audience.

i need to find myself either way.

There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you’d better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s saying.
Sarah Dessen

2011-09-12T09:55:00.001-04:00

"French women don’t dress to be sexy. Of course we do dress to seduce — that’s different from trying to ‘catch’ a man by wearing flamboyant clothes. The basic attitude is different. A French woman never feels she’s offering herself. There’s never a sense of surrender, but an attitude of ‘I belong to me’."

Ellen Wallace’s article Secrets of French Girls

love-hate relationship

2011-09-02T12:57:00.001-04:00

summer is almost over guys, its so sad that the weather doesn't go up to 30 degree anymore. it's 25 ish in the afternoons and drop to 18 at night. school is starting very very soon, which is on Tuesday Sept 6th 2011, a day after labour day. meanwhile, my work schedule has been assigned til mid september and today i will get new schedule for the week after that.

there is no secret i hate my manager so much. he's so irresponsible, he doesnt make the cut of a good manager figure at all. first, he never showed up for work, never taught me anything since my first day, everyone learns everything by themselves and we teach each other.

second, he changes people's schedules all the hell he likes. so, our schedule is up on the schedule board 2 weeks before and not everyone checks their schedule everyday. we just take a look at it on friday, take note of the whole week schedule, and thats it. but then he changes things around on the board and no one knows the change. one time there are 4 people working for the evening shifts! usually there are only 2. then one time my coworker works alone in the afternoon. its so messed up!

third, he's so hard to talk to. he's just not answering and not ready to listen to us, the associates. he never given me chance to finish my sentences, he just cut it in the middle and give me his final words. i called walmart 5 times and the people who answer my call paged for him but he didn't answer. so the next day i went for work, he's also scheduled for work but i rarely saw him. when i saw him i said "i need to talk to you about my schedule" and he's like "oh okay im gonna finish a few things first, then i'll come by here again"

he came back after 2 hours only to delay our conversation for another hour coz he said he's going for lunch.

sometime he said hes going for lunch and turned out he's going home and not coming back...

so with that kind of attitude i get from someone senior to me, i got annoyed very easily. i'm not getting the treatment i deserve and the thought of working with someone so irresponsible like him makes me hate myself. i don't hate the job, it's pretty okay with shoes, but the thought of working with someone like that makes me feel like "why did i let myself be treated that way? why don't i find another job?"

but i love the people working in walmart, theyre so kind and nice and although most of them are way older than me, but i enjoy talking to them. they tell me stories and teach me lots of things.

and today i got my second paycheque, it's so satisfying looking at the numbers there. that numbers represent my arguments with my manager, my hatred for him, my confusion, my sudden decisions to apply to other jobs, my efforts to still go to work even though i know im not treated fairly.

to add up my confusion, i'm on the process of saving up money for the grand plan of going for student exchange. so with that in mind, i need to keep my job! or i can quit with some little experience i have from walmart and try to work elsewhere that might give me less wage than what i get in walmart. i also can apply somewhere else and after i got accepted, then i quit walmart. but it's so hard to get jobs with little experience.

this is such a love-hate relationship.

okay enough talking about work..

two days ago i went downtown with julie and ela. i bought a plaid shirt from forever 21, a hair band from HnM and a skirt from Hollister. then i cut my hair in a random salon, i cut my hair short. like short short. here is the picture =p

and by the way, ko adam finally has uploaded the rafting video from our trip to Ottawa in July 31st. here's the linkkk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaPrr7fP1y4

so today im going to erin mills to apply for jobs there and buy a styling gel. i didn't realize it's hard to keep a short hair neat and tidy.

ciao lovelies :)

The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.— Lost in Translation

2011-08-22T14:35:00.008-04:00

I’ve come to a state of self where I feel very comfortable with myself and my capabilities. I used to be very fussy about my appearance, about my hair, nails, muffin tops, went to gym as a form of life-style, and very very fashion-conscious. These attitudes didn’t just drop itself to me in one night, it’s cultivated by looking at fashion magazines, looking at my fabulous friends who are all very self-conscious and always strive to have the best item.

After living for 1.5 years in Canada, i realized my life in Indonesia was very extravagant and unhealthy. I shopped here and there, money is not a serious problem. When i ran out of it, i went to my mom’s room and asked for more. In fact, i did this almost every weekend when i wanted to go out with my friends. There’s no other form of entertainment except fashion magazines, malls, more malls, going to movies, more movies, restaurants, cafes, saloons, cheap shopping centres., and sometimes, going to other town which offer more shops and food. This isn’t a bad thing either but it’s just a very different lifestyle as what i have in here.

There’s no wonder why I was very self-conscious when I was in Indonesia. I read magazines regularly, have to pay gym membership to be able to exercise, and often, I preferred to go with friends. Going to the gym also required a car and a driver because I wasn’t allowed to drive by myself. This limited my options very much because my driver was often busy so i need to book him off 3 days before I actually go to the gym.

there’s no trails or marathon or park or events or festivals which I can attend without my mom being paranoid I would get kidnapped or someone would steal my stuff.

On the other side, my life here is not just about materialistic and academic stuff. My friends are very healthy to say the least. I have 4 best girlfriends. Mizuki ana Julie and ela. Mizuki, ela, and Julie used to be swimming instructor/lifegurard in a community centre pool. Ela still works there actually.Julie used to take wrestling too and she won a medal for it. Ana is a very healthy person, she’s a vegetarian, she loves fruits and veggies and athough shes not a sporty kind of person but she never ever get drunk or drink a sip of alcohol ever. We tried to convince her to try my Brown Cow (kahlua and milk) but she refused, we tried to make her take a sip of Smirnoff ice, also a failed attempt.

I have no cook or maid here and I have to do groceries by myself. I have to decide what i want to cook and what i want to eat. I make them by myself so i need to decide beforehand what i want. Last year, I ate crap because they’re the easiest to make. Frozen stuff, just put it in microwave and voila! A lasagne! Or voila! A chicken rice.

But last year, I also ate lunch with Ana a lot of time and I felt really bad coz she ate only healthy things. Fruits, veggies, yoghurt, beans. I tried her food and i love it, they also easy to make. So then I started to shop healthier stuff like oatmeal, lima beans, broad beans, and i don’t know since when, but now i loveeee Caesar salad. I bought them from walmart and mix them at home.

My house here is within walking distance to Osprey Marsh, which is a pond. During summertime, lots of people go there to bike, run, walk their dog, rollerblade, sit on the bench, feed the duck, etc. So looking at all these people, i also start to take running as my sport option. I love the pond and the wildlife surrounding it, and ever since my sister bought me an Ipod Nano as my birthday present, i love running there more than ever. Just clip the ipod to my shirt, turned on my workout playlist and run around the pond. my sister looked it up online and the trail around the pond actually add up to 1.1K! never would hav thought i could run that long.

Now that i am legal to work, i applied to part-time job as a sales associate at Walmart and I have my own earnings. I don’t have to ask my mom for money, but i also have to learn how to handle it. it’s not as much as what my mom gave to me monthly but I can make sure it’s enough to make a living for myself. Now my life is not just about studying in uni and hanging out with friends. It gets wider and broader. I now have work problems, worry about my pay, my monthly phone bill, how to keep the money enough til the next paycheque, have to wake up early in the morning to go to work, feel tired and think why do i want to work?. It’s all part of growing up.

And although people say “don’t compare” but it’s really hard to not compare my life in Indonesia and in Canada. It’s like 180 degree difference.

Lately, I’ve been thinking to switch job. Reasons for this will be told later probably in the next post. But i’ve applied to this French bistro and I really don’t know what to expect. The place is more like a professional, reserved, formal dining place rather than a fast-food resto. The owner is also the chef there and we chatted for 30 mins or so. She explained to me about the concept of the bistro and how the servers are really good. That didn’t waver even a bit but im worried about the pay. The wage is 8 bucks an hours, less than what i make in walmart. But as a restaurant, the servers got the tip as well. So it all depends on how many people eat in the restaurant. The owner wants me to come this Wednesday for a try out to see how the job is and whether it suits me or whether i like it.

I told my mom how I’m saving up for Italy and how I won’t be able to save up if the wage is less than walmart. Her reply was

“Don’t be scared of not having money, if you need money, I will help you for sure. the most important thing is the experience and I like it that you can gain a lot of experience. And don’t change job in a hurry rightaway, just come for the try out this Wednesday and see how it turns out...”

Ah, i love her so much!

So yeah let’s see how this try out turns out to be..

I will tell you guys about it more later!

btw i found exciting stuff yestrday.

this is me in april and in august and i didnt know im getting slimmer before i saw this :p yay for being healthy happy and work my ass off until i dont have time to eat! :p

2011-08-19T18:13:00.001-04:00

You won’t be his first, his last, or his only. He’s loved before, he will love again, but if he loves you now, what else matters? He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry. He’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy who is perfect for you.

— Bob Marley

Bob Marley, you're a great man!

2011-08-18T01:45:00.002-04:00

today i went to that salsa club again just with julie. the music was good, the people were crazy. 2 guys bought me drinks, one of them is really cute. he had a hat and he put it on my head and he smiled. "you're cute" he said. i replied "thank you". he asked where i live, i asked his age, he asked whether i have a boyfriend. he's 23, really cute, wearing white blazer, and he's from other town close to mississauga. he watched me went away with julie to the dance floor, so he went somewhere else. i asked julie if she wanna go home rightaway, and she said yes. so i went away, didn't even care where the cute guy was.

i told julie everything and she said "you should've asked his number!" but no.. i don't want to.

coz the ironic part is, i miss you. i miss you so much.

work hard, party harder

2011-08-15T14:48:00.002-04:00

hellooooo and welcome to my 334th post!

today is august 15th 2011, breezy sunny day and Im staying home after working 5 days last week and partying 3 times a week. my body is demanding its share of rest and my head is pounding and I had a sleep deprivation.

august9th2011

it all started on august 9th. when the clock strikes 12.00, kim called me on facebook, leo said happy birthday on skype, people sent me birthday wishes on facebook while at the same time my friends and sis dashed to my house and sang Happy Birthday to me! i was so surprised coz i didn't expect it at all. I had a birthday surprise last year so I didn't think the second one would happened.

sang happy birthday, made a wish, blew the candles, took pics, cut the cake, ate them together.. then they wanted me to go outside for another surprise. i was so excited so i went with them. they wanted me to close my eyes and on the count to three i could open them. when i opened my eyelids, they started throwing me waterballoons and worse, they didn't break! so i ran back to my house and my sister chased me n dragged me outside. they threw me water balloons again which this time they broke. they even pour water from water bottles. the main point is to get me wet so anything would do.

that night I slept so nicely and woke up the next morning with what I always call as "The Best Morning of The Year"

the best morning of the year is the morning of your birthday. christmas morning comes second. but birthday morning is still the best coz when you opened your eyes, rolled around the bed, reached for your blackberry, turned it on, and suddenly it just didn't stop buzzing and ringing and beeping with birthday wishes from people you love, people you had on facebook, people you didn't know you had on facebook, people on bbm, people on the other side of the world, people who didn't know the time differences and wish happy birthday too late/ too early, people who called you last night and left you with miscalls. it's just simply the best morning of the year.

I stayed on my bed reading them one by one, smiling with the wishes, and finally when i felt ready i got out of bed and got ready for the lazy morning. I had a slow breakfast, enjoyed the summer breeze and watched few tv shows. by the time the day rolled to 2 pm my phone rang.. it's my manager at Walmart, his name is Conrad.

"Hello agita, this is conrad, happy birthdayy!! anyway, can you work today at 6.30 to 10.30?"

oh well, since my only plan on that day was to meet up with mizuki and julie, so i said yes to the work hours. i met up with mizuki and julie and ana at 5 in south common. i had my first official legal drink, the name is mexican mudslide and it's just THE BEST! so yummmyyy

i gave my sister's id to julie so she could come to the karaoke bar on friday and then after chatting, pics, opening the birthday presents, and catching up, i went to work. i went home at 10.30, reached home at 11.30. everyone said to me i shouldnt work on my birthday but some people also said it's good that on my birthday instead of spending money, i earned more instead.

well, i need them too since the upcoming parties would be extravagant!

august10th2011

the next morning, august 10th, i worked at 10 am to 2.30 pm. then i went home, got ready for dinner, spent too much time getting ready, missed my bus. i told kim im gonna be late n then she said she gonna pick me up with her dad. isn't she the sweetest? ;)

her dad and her dad's friend drove us to On The Curve, where the dinner is being held. there were 9 of us in total and as a little background story we knew each other from calculus class and studying together. i havent seen most of em all summer so seeing them felt so good. we chatted for an hour before finally ordering food. the restaurant also gave me a little birthday icecream with small fireworks on it as a replacement for candle.

then at 9.30 the waiter asked for our IDs coz the place gonna be a salsa club. some of us weren't 19 yet so they had to go home. me kim rustom and leo stayed for salsa. it was def something new to me coz i never like legit dance salsa before with someone who actually knows how to do it, and the atmosphere was so lively with the latin music, the people dancing, people hanging around the patio, it's just the best. except i was wearing heels and i accidentally hurt someone's feet with it. so sorry :(

august11th2011

the next day i work again..4.30-10.30 pm. went home late, showered, slept at 1.

august12th2011

woke up at 10 ish, went to erin mills with ci icha. i bought this gorgeous top at HnM n ci icha bought this cute dress at costa blanca. then i went home, get ready, then mizuki and josh arrived at my house. we waited sometime for Julie, when she arrived, we started the predrink.

we walked/ran to the bus stop to catch the bus to meadowvale town centre where we met up with Ana. we waited for Go Bus there and then we were good to go. the trip downtown took about 50 mins and then when we were there the girls started to feel pain due to their killer heels. the heels are hot but i could easily say they're painful.im so lucky i wore wedges.. we took ttc up to Spadina and walked 15 mins to Fox & Fiddle.

the bar hadn't liven up yet coz the night was still young. it was around 10 so we sat on the bar and ordered some drinks first. then we headed to a table closer to the stage and we heard some people's name announced n they're up next which means we hav to sign up our names and songs first. we went to the DJ booth and he asked where r u guys from? u guys are all dressed up and beautiful. lmao.

i hav to admit we're so dressy compared to other people who seemed to come there straight from work. but who cares, it's my birthday and i don't mind lookin pweety :)

we sang few songs together and then i wanted to sing Chasing Pavements by Adele but when i asked mizuki julie ana josh they said they don't know the song so i lost the courage to sing but they said if i know the song, and i want to sing it then i should go right ahead. they're going to cheer for me for sure!

i refused at first coz i don't wanna get up there alone and sing in front of all these crowds. but as the night went late and we had to go home, i finally sign my name up to sing chasing pavements. it was nerve wrecking and i was shaking but overall i think i did good. my friends, of course they cheered for me, they cheered the loudest and i love them for that.

we went back home with subway and then Cody and Sarah picked us up from islington. they drove everyone home including me altho my house is like far far away. then i slept fitfully til 8 something.

august13th2011

i woke up with a start knowing that i should go to work very very soon. my head was pounding and my body was like literally exhausted. the bed and my body fit perfectly and i didn't want to let go of the bed either.

i missed my second bus and waited half an hour which resulted in the lateness to work. i called my manager and he's totally okay with that. the problem was i felt very uneasy with my coworkers coz im new there and i came late. but to make it up to them i worked 30 mins longer than what my shift is suppose to be.

came home at 4 and i helped andrea and her family moved her stuffs thats been stored in my basement to the truck. andrea is my friend's friend whos moving to her new apartment and during her stay in indonesia for the summer, she put all her stuffs in my basement. now that shes back to canada, she's taking them back.

after 30 mins of loading the truck and carrying the stuffs from my basement, i showered and went for a quick nap rightaway. if i didn't get a nap, im pretty sure i would faint or something since that night im going clubbing. after an hour, i woke up, washed my face, get ready, had a slice of bread n then my sister drove us downtown.

there we meet up with all my indonesian friends at tian's condo for a predrink.

good thing is that day i wore flat shoes coz i know its gonna hurt to wear heels. especially downtown, coz we walked everywhere. we even walked to the club!
a change of plan happened. original plan was going to Traffik, but then we changed it to Tryst. kevinas been there and she said its a good place + feli's friend said Traffik is full of old creepy guys. so, we walked to Tryst and I have to say it's a nice place and all the songs I love were played there.
the hype and vibe was so nice and we were drenched in sweat after an hour. we stayed there until 2 am then we went out of there feeling sober, tired, wasted, ready to go home.

went back to tian's condo to pick our bags and car keys then off to mississauga, got there at 3, slept at 3.30.......

august14th2011

woke up at 7.30 am. i kept saying to myself "this is the last one, i promise. there isn't another party, please just get up, get ready, go to work for 4 hours. get it over with n then u can sleep all the hell u like"

it was a tough try but i made it!
it was a cloudy sunday morning and as soon as i got up, i missed my bed already.
had my breakfast, get ready and then off to work. i didn't come late! yay! and i talked to conrad about my schedule finally!

when im done with work, i went to pizza pizza and ordered a pepperoni. i missed real food. not just a slice of bread, or a bite of snack or a sip of ice coffee. i want pizza. and i had 2 slices. i know its fattening but i dont care, i deserve that.

i went home, slept for 2 hours. watched some tv shows while uploading pics, stayed up late in my room watching two and a half men and slept rightaway when the clock hit 2 am.

august15th2011

today i'm off from work. the next work day is august 18th. and im going salsa again this wednesday!

so that's where ive been for the past 5 days..

“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”

— Ron White

must-haves in dream home...

2011-08-02T10:55:00.004-04:00

my must-haves in my dream home:
1. bookshelves
2. white wooden floor
3. french door overlooking the ocean
4. high ceiling in the living room
5. exposed brick wall in behind the fireplace
6. white open spaced kitchen
7. big comfy bed on the floor
8. scented candles

aren't they dreamy? :)

2011-07-28T18:09:00.003-04:00

so i finally made the SIN number needed to apply for the job. I went there at 11, got there at 12.40. it was a 1.5 bus ride and I was in a terrible need to pee. but hey, I survived! i never been to this canada service centre before but Ive looked at its location in google map so I pretty much know where it is located.

I went straight to walmart after that, to give the SIN number and the references they gonna call.

and now I'm so drained and tired.

there'll be a BBQ at auntie rethy's house just a block away from my house at 7 pm. and ci icha has arrived safely from Jakarta yesterday night. i havent seen her since the dinner after my sister's wedding so tonight im gonna see her at auntie rethy's bbq.

tomorrow will be packing, laundry, and we'll all hit the road for 5-hour drive at 8 pm.

have a nice sunny summer long weekend everyone!

2011-07-27T22:16:00.002-04:00

I’m picky…like, really really picky. The stars have to align perfectly, the gods have to all agree, and I have to wake up on the right side of the bed, all the chickens have to cross the road safely, etc etc etc before I come to the absolute conclusion that I am into someone. All of this can take mere seconds or days or weeks. - (http://beatboxgoesthump.tumblr.com/)

jobless no more :)

2011-07-26T22:46:00.003-04:00

soooo
apparently...

I GOT A PART-TIME JOB!
wohooo!
another goal scratched!!

this is too much happiness i swear when they said to me "Agita? congratulations, you got the job offer..." i was like no kiddinggg!!
they said they gonna contact me 24-48 hours after the group interview. the group interview was on friday so i waited til Sunday, no one called. so i was all dreadful and thought that "oh probably others are more experienced, probably theyre better than me, probably i should get an easier job.." but then today, i silent my phone as always, and they called me. i didnt hear of course, i wasnt expecting any call from Walmart anymore.

3 minutes later, i looked at my phone and it said 1 missed call. there was only a series of number i didn't recognize. i called them back and it got to the machine saying thank you for calling erin mills walmart. n i was like "no kidding, they called me!" n after speaking to Angie, she explained that i got the job offer and I'm expected to be there at 2.45 tomorrow, bringing 2 government ID and 2 references.

sooo happyy!
cant believe i actually got a job in the middle of summer where most places are fully-staffed.. i know working at walmart as a sales associate/cashier is not the best job ever, but this is my first job and i get to meet new people, new experience, no boring time, its a supermarket! everything is so lively in there.and, its not a minimum wage *wink

plus, rafting this weekend in ottawa river, cliff diving too! ill be staying in ottawa for 3 days, i hope i got the chance to do zip lining too!

then a week after that.. my birthday is coming up!
on august 10th, im gonna celebrate it with dinner and salsa with my friends from math class
on august 12th its gonna be karaoke bar downtown with my friends
and august 13th? who knows whats gonna happen. prob clubbing with my sister and our friends..
im so excited for everything!

I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.~Arthur Rubinstein ♥

Live the life you wish to, date the man you wish to date, and stop looking to your family for affirmation for the choices that you make— David S.

2011-07-22T17:25:00.004-04:00

so I went to this salsa lesson last wednesday with sheena. i was supposed to be 19+ but as always, i use my sister's ID. we look awfully alike apparently coz the doorguy even scrutinized the photo and looked at me and looked at the photo again, but still let me in!
on the other side, Sheena has turned 19 last Sunday so shes good. the doorguy even checked the calendar on his blackberry before letting her in.

there were lots of people there, the lesson started at 10. first it was individual salsa lesson, 8 counts basic steps. there are 5 different moves which are the basic of salsa, then after that is the couple lesson. this black guy just came up to me n asked to be his partner and i said yes. he was also still learning so he's no expert, he has no idea how to lead and everything. by the end of the lesson, I could do salsa lightly. not the fancy, hips shaking, all high-heels kind of thing. just the turning and basic steps thing =p

it was indeed a new experience..

sadly we had to leave at 11. i know, thats the time when everyone just came. there was a HUGE line up in front of the door, they couldnt get it because the restaurant is full already. it was actually really full. but me n sheena had to catch the bus back home and I couldnt miss my bus since it stops running at 12.20 ish.

the next day was thursday, it was a HELL on earth. i swear i never experienced that kind of weather before. it was burning 39 degrees but even in the weather network it says "feels like:49 degree"
it was really humid too and if you dare to step out of the door, u could feel the heat start to suck your energy rightaway.

soo...with that kind of weather.. who would dare to go to the park?

answers: me and my friends

yeah stupid right..

it wasnt the original idea, i swear. it was all because of Leo's italian friend, marcello, whom we had only known for 5 minutes before he managed to persuade us to leave my cool, air-conditioned house, to join him in his adventure to Croatian Park. it was a HOT SWELTERING day and we went to a park where we're not supposed to go.

so, there's this Croatian Park located in eglinton and mississauga road. I passed this park every single day to and from UTM and always wonder "is that park only for croatian? or is it founded n built by croatian? can we go in there? will they ask us to leave if we do go in there?"

so we went inside there in a car, parked the car, and got off the car. everyone stared at us, gave us dirty look. it was actually a beautiful park with pool, small cool river, picnic tables, and huge field to play whatever. the only problem is: yes, they are all croatians there. everyone in the pool were croatians. me sheena jehan and mizuki didnt go into the pool area but marcello and leo did. we just sat around near the river before we decided to leave them and go to bubble republic to get something sweet n cool. we were terrible dehydrated.

we felt so stood out since me n mizuki look totally asians while jehan and sheena look totally brown. marcello can easily blend with those croatians coz they look the same, leo although looked latin could still act like marcello's guest.
it got worse when we walked out of the park, suddenly this old guy shouted at us "WHAT ARE U GUYS DOING HERE?!"

we were panic so jehan replied "we got lost, sorry, gonna go out now" and the old guy got really mad he was like "it says 'No Trespassing'! if you guys come here again...." I didnt hear the rest coz I was so scared. I had never been asked to leave a place so rudely. it was definitely a shock.

but at least now I know that Croatian Park is only for Croatians and they don't accept other nationalities.

then we went to bubble republic to cool down and go to mizuki's complex pool n then went back to my house..

it was sucha tiring day but pretty memorable.

and today..
I had a group interview at walmart.
i dont even wanna talk about it. 2 hours of group interview. it wasnt that bad but its really tiring coz I was all nervous before the interview.

yeah anyway, I hope I got accepted..

ciao for now..

2011-07-18T15:54:00.002-04:00

i wish my mom's here now.
she would love the sunlight falls upon the grass
she would love the scent of summer in canada
she would love the living room gleaming with joy
i wish my mom's here
she would cook my favorite food
while i lie down in the backyard reading book
she would call me inside to eat with her
and she would tell me how grateful she is about everything in her life
i wish my mom's here
i miss her constant preaches about how i should take a shower
how i shouldn't sleep too late
about how i shouldnt stay over at a friend's place
i wish my mom's here
she would light the candles
let it burn in white citrus scent
she would turn on the jazz music and slice the apples for us to eat after dinner.

i can't believe this but i miss my mom.

2011-07-17T23:27:00.003-04:00

i know i might be thinking too much but is this guy just use sarcasm on me? like seriously. i thought summer would be so much fun. i thought summer would be filled with friends, including him and plans and so many things to do. but now it all seems to slip away from my grasp. my summer although has been amazing, its missing something. but anyways i dont really care, life goes on and so is his. so goodbye winter fella.. it's summer already.

summer plans

2011-07-13T15:55:00.003-04:00

its been a while since the last time i wrote here, not because im totally busy but its just because i had no mood to write about anything..

Summer's been great, i went to Ribfest on canada day, watched fireworks while lying down on the grass. I went to my friend's house party, got to meet new people. I went picnic at jackdarling park which was really pretty and lovely, we played with football ball and I had a phone interview in the park too. the phone interview was from Walmart, i applied there as a Sales Floor Associate but I dont think my interview went very well.

They asked about my job experience and whether I ever worked in retail, to which I said no to both questions. I hate answering their questions, made me felt like a complete fool because I have no experience whatsoever and made me feel the possibility of getting hired there is so thin.

but whatever, that interview won't stop me from looking for other summer jobs. ok i know its mid July and theres only 1.5 months left for summer but i don't care. meanwhile in August 1st i'm going rafting in Ottawa river. excited? YES! rafting has always been one of my biggest fear because essentially I'm afraid of deep water, especially with current or wave. this fear has stayed with me for quite a while now but when I saw people's reviews on the rafting experience in Ottawa river, I couldnt help but to feel excited for this upcoming plan too.

Ive been looking for a cottage we can rent for the weekend near that area and it's been so stressful. most of the cottages are fully booked for august 1st since its civic holiday or else it's too far away from the rafting place. but i keep on emailing people, searching the distance on google map, looking at several cottage websites, and getting myself acquainted with the area around ottawa river.

but the closest plan from now is that tonight me n my friend, Sheena, are going to this restaurant near Square One called On The Curve. the restaurant is more like a bar n nightclub at night and they offer a salsa lesson at 9.30 pm tonight. so why not? its summer, its warm outside, and i have no problem getting home with bus. I'm pretty excited for this!

and on friday.... HARRY POTTER PART 2 ow yeah!
me n ana n mizuki have booked the ticket yesterday. theyre almost fully booked! there are only 4 seats left at 10 pm. and the shows before that are all fully booked.

weekend: Markham night market! pretty excited for this one too..

lately my life seems so good and perfect. i dont want summer to enddd!

kay thats all my updates.. will do more details soon!

annyonghaseo Seoul! part 2

2011-07-03T10:50:00.009-04:00

my journey continued..from pork intestines to namdaemun market which was pretty much deserted because of the rain, then we went to Myeong dong, the most happening market in Seoul. althought it was raining, people still crowded that place. humans with umbrellas seemed to lurk around every street n block in myeong-dong and some sales persons were still shouting in korean to their mics to attracts customers.

we were so hungry and tired so we just went to this korean bbq restaurant which was full of people (that's the key to look for yummy food!) and we ordered with such difficulty with the waiter. although i have to say, that night's meal wasn't my favorite.the taste is not memorable, not the kind of food i would recommend to eat at Seoul, and the price was crazily pricey.

its around 57 dollars! cant understand why people lined up for this restaurant... after we filled our stomach, we bought a traditional korean cake which is also known as the '160 strings'. this cake was served to kings a long time ago, it was made of honey glutinous rice and although i watched how they made it the next day, i still can't understand how in the world could a ball of honey glutinous rice as hard as a rock can be stretched and flipped and twisted only a few times before it become delicate strings that melts in my mouth when i bit it. the shape was a bit like mochi and it has peanut fillings too, but the outer part is really something different. i cant describe it lol.

then we went to the subway station of Myeong-dong and taraaaa! we found a stall of Deli Manjoo down there! in indonesia, this stall was placed in grand indonesia mall.. in seoul, it's found in this underground subway station.but its smell wafted in the cold air with such invitation, so i finally bought a pack of it. although it's unlikely but i'm proudly saying that i've eaten deli manjoo in korea n it tasted wonderful!

when we got back to the hotel, we took showers in turn and slept rightaway, too tired to talk about nonsensical things..

third day...
it was suppose rain crazily because of the typhoon..
we got up later than usual, around 9 or 10.. we had our breakfast slowly, thinking that we won't be able to travel far because of the rain. so we went out of the hotel at 1. but my sister and I were still insisting that we should go to Gyeongbok-gung palace. we didn't care for the fact that it's gonna rain or whatever, but if we haven't visited that palace, it seemed like we haven't visited Seoul at all!

so then we went out to look for late lunch around gang-nam, we found this yummy restaurant with a very cheap price! it's 8 bucks for a portion, we bought 2! we have this kinda food too in T.O called Joons but the taste is like waaayy better in Seoul.. then we went with subway to Gyeongbok-gung palace. we didn't know how but when we visited that palace, it was magically sunny and breezy although there are dense clouds above the mountain, slowly creeping towards us. we joined a free english tour by a korean lady who speaks english without punctuations and pronounce palace as 'paleis'.

we took some pics here then we were off to Samcheong-gung. samcheong-gung is like a quiet area with quaint yet expensive stores. the architecture looks old and the area is so quiet. it's so nice to take a walk here after going to lots of busy, crowded places. we took a leisure walk, ate rice cake and yummy red bean dessert, then hailed a taxi and we went to myeong-dong again to properly shop since it wasn't raining like the previous day.

the taxi driver asked us where we come from and when we replied 'Indonesia' he suddenly replied 'Tomang, tau?'. we were like 'omg! this person can speak indonesian!' so we said 'tauu!' n he said 'saya kerja di tomang 4 tahun' with each word pronounced slowly. then it turns to one or two words kind of conversation like we asked him 'bibimbap di myeong-dong, ada?', and he asked 'Seoul, bagus?' and we said, 'bagus'. then he asked 'Jakarta bagus?' and we said 'jakarta panas'

the conversation stopped as we reached Lotte department store which is across myeong-dong. we went around, shopped few pieces of clothings n shoes n we tried to look for bibimbap. this is my third goal.. to eat bibimbap in korea. ive known this dish for quite a while n it seems wrong if i'm going to the capital city of the country where it's originated but not eating it.

the worst part is that it started to rain again so we have to walk under the umbrella while looking for place that sell bibimbap. how do we know they sell bibimbap? we memorize the korean characters and look for it in the menu that are usually in front of the restaurant =p we finally found "the one". its a restaurant specializing in bibimbap! so we ate there and it was heavenlyy!

after our stomach got its share of satisfaction, we went back to our hotel with subway and the next morning we packed up to go to the airport at 6.52 in d morning.

so then thats Seoul for me..
it was an amazing trip and i have no regret at all.

annyonghaseo Seoul! part 1

2011-06-28T17:03:00.011-04:00

"Let me be something every minute of every hour of my life. Let me be gay; let me be sad. Let me be cold; let me be warm. Let me be hungry…have too much to eat. Let me be ragged or well dressed. Let me be sincere-be deceitful. Let me be truthful; let me be a liar. Let me be honorable and let me sin. Only let me be something every blessed minute. And when I sleep, let me dream all the time so that not one little piece of living is ever lost.”- Betty Smith

hi again guys! im in mississauga, ontario, canada now. its the 28th of June 2011 at 5.04 pm but ive been cleaning the house, moving my clothes to my sister's closet (i get her room!), mowing the lawn, cooking pancakes, and have taken a shower, lunch, and snacks. now i am sitting in my livingroom again with indescribable mixed feelings of excitements. it's as if the last 5 days was a mere dream to me. the days in korea and how me, my sister, and my friend, Chris, tried to survive in korea without any skill of mastery of korean language at all.

when we got there all we could say was annyonghaseo which means Hi, how are you and kamsahamnida which means thank you and other foodie words like gamjatang, bibimbap, kimchi. the thing is people there barely speak any english, even the young ones like our age. so communication was definitely a challenge to us!

we got there by korean airline and we exchanged our money rightaway. we got to our hotel by a KAL shuttle bus, checked in, and went around hotel to look for place to eat lunch. after going around for quite a while, we went back to the hotel, took a shower and had a naptime since we were sleep deprived from the flight.

after that we got ready and went around gang-nam, the area near our hotel which is full of chic and stylish people walking around small alleys where food sit side by side, rows and rows, blocks and blocks of food lining up the alleys.

restaurants everywhere

we bought some snacks along the road, we tried spicy rice cake which called teobokki, we also tried fried chicken and saw korean people drink beers or soju as complimentary to the fried chicken. it's like beer and chicken wings, like donut and coffee. it's quite funny to me..

me n my sister in front of teobokki stall

then we went to eat gamjatang in this restaurant my sister found in the internet. people gave good reviews about this restaurant's gamjatang so then we tried to find it in those alleys and finally we found it! the gamjatang is quite different from what we have in toronto. the original one appeared to have mint leaves and taste richer but the color itself is not as intense as what we have in toronto. all in all, its yummmmyyyy and i def love it. on the other hand, my sister doesnt really like it, she prefers the one in toronto. my first goal going to korea was to eat the real gamjatang in korea and it's accomplished!

the real gamjatang!

i realized people in korea (or in gangnam, specifically) are really dressy. they really care about their appearances. the guys are hot, they look like they have just stepped out of korean dramas with their cool blazer and well-made hair.the girls are really well-dressed, they have their own tastes. the cars around gangnam are crazy, they are mostly white mercedes or BMW or Hyundai parked within small space in small alleys without any worry of the chance of it got scratched or bumped. since it was friday night, the rush hour is crazy too. there was a huge traffic when we got back from COEX mall with taxi so then we got off it and walked the rest of the way to the hotel.

next day was the main day for us.
we went to Gwanghamun station by taxi and from there we went around Seoul with a city tour bus. it cost us 10000 won per person which us around 10 dollars each person and we could hop on and off the bus the whole day. the only downside was that it was raining so it's a bit difficult for us to get around. but we managed to go to cheongdokgung palace which is one of UNESCO world heritage, we went to see the blue house too, and went to Namsangol Hanok Village.

in this village, we paid 3000 per person ($3!) for the chance of wearing HanBok. its korean traditional clothing which was worn by kings, queens, princesses, and princes a long time ago. this is my second reason why i wanted to go to korea in d first place so when i finally did it it was so satisfying!

everyone who has been to korea must have visited Gyeongbok-gung palace. it's the most important palace because it's where the king lived and its also the biggest. if the weather permits, they hold a changing guards ceremony in the open area after the first gate of the palace. so we really want to go there before it closed (it closes at 5 pm) but because of the screwed schedule, the traffic, and the rain, we couldn't go there that day. we were pretty devastated especially after knowing that the next day there will be a thunder storm so theres even smaller chance of visiting Gyeongbok-gung palace.

but we continued our trip to dongdaemun market where we ate streetfoods and people kept asking us whether we're from china or mongol and we replied from indonesia. we ate random food for the sake of its good look. hell, we dont even know what we were eating. one time we went around and this auntie kept calling us and wanting us to eat at her restaurant.

we dont even understand what she was saying. so then we just point a picture n held up 2 fingers which means we want 2 of those. the frying pan came, the auntie turned on the stove. then comes all these veggies, water, glasses, vermicelli and onions. she fried the onions n vermicelli, then came a place of something thats been cut up to pieces. it looks like chicken skin, she fried it as well. then we ate it rightaway. after we emptied the whole frying pan, a group of businessmen asked where we came from, when we said we're from indonesia they said 'terima kasih', 'selamat siang' and 'selamat pagi'. they could speak a little indonesian! then we asked them what we just ate, n they said its pork intestines! omg i wouldnt have eaten that if only i knew.. the ironic part is that it tasted good!

pork intestines

to be continued....

if you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders...

2011-06-20T07:40:00.006-04:00

in 3 days, i would be standing at the airport, holding my cabin bag ready to leave indonesia. i just can't believe time flies so fast. i could picture vividly in my head how i sat down on the carpeted floor in my room in canada, writing my blog post and typing"i can't wait to go back!" with such excitement and lots of hopes and expectations. and now, in 3 days.. i repeat.. 3 days!! i will be gone already..

these last few days, i met up with some of my old friends who went to different countries and met up here in Indonesia again. they are cumi from SF, nadia from UK, chani from turkey, and niji from new zealand. i havent seen them for approximately a year!

we told each other stories, we had dinner together with carla and her newly-dating boyfriend. the next day i had a supercheap but supernice creambath and massage with cumi, had dinner at fish n co, played billiard with theo nadia cumi and konak.

then yesterday i met alain and konak spent 3.5 hours in the same restaurant just chatting and chatting about the past,present, and future =p and alain gave me this poem book made by an artist in Bandung. he always told me about how amazing this guy is and i could see that just by reading the titles of his poems which consisted of 3 or less words.

today i went swimming with chani. we managed to sneak in to alam sutera's sport centre since we dont have the membership, the point is we just wanna swim. then afterwards, cumi picked us up with niji and alain. we had lunch at Roppan in Living World. next, we dropped alain off at the station where a big car will take him to bandung. so then that's my farewell with alain.. im not gonna see him in 2 years!

then we met up with theo niji konak at pisa cafe and then me n cumi went for a face massage. it was a really nice relaxing massage, i wish its more than an hour massage.and now i am here in front of my laptop, checking seoul's weather for the next 7 days and think of how i could get around seoul without getting lost..

i want to go to korea but at the same time i want to stay in jakarta. but i wanna work in mississauga. everything seems so confusing. but as soon as august comes by, i know my life will be at its brightest point of the year, as always. august is my month. my birthday is in august, its the peak of the summer, its the last month before school starts, and manda will come to toronto too and yesterday shan told me that probably he could come visit! excitementssss!

people said that i am so excited for work because ive never worked before in my life. i never earned money in anyway by myself, let alone work for someone. so in adulthood scale from 1-10 i am a 0 because i never even touched the world of working, paying bills, getting a job, interviewing, dressing up for interviews, etc. but i really wanna know how that feels, to not depend on parents for everyday needs, to have full control on my own bank account.. not just accessing it through the internet every month and found $600 just magically added itself up to the numbers.

but these days.. these easy breezy yet hectic days, i cant help but to see where my mind wanders lately. people said that if you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders.

it keeps wandering to the person who's in my mind is so perfect, unselfish, and so adorable. but i know in real life, sometimes i just wanna break his head into 2 and never wanna talk to him again. it wanders to korea, to the excitements ive been looking forward to, it wanders to the future days in toronto, to my friends in sauga, to italy, to france, to istanbul, to my bedroom and how to decorate it. to where i might work, to the buses, to Nolan my cute cousin who was born last saturday...
but it never, it never wandered to my past anymore. it's finally gone, i dont want it anymore.

and going back to canada seems so much easier than the first time. i guess because i know what await me, im not as scared as i used to be..

updatessssss

2011-06-14T04:00:00.005-04:00

for everyone whos gonna ask me; my sis wedding was a BLAST! hundreds of people showed up in the wedding mass and approx thousand could be found in the wedding party.

finally, all the dress fittings, speech discussion, tray exchanges, shoes search, shoes padding search, rehearsal, planning tricks for groomsmen, dinners, all done!

by the end of the night i was a dead Sister of the Bride. my feet were hurting so bad, so bad that when i took the shoes off for a while and tried to wear it again, it was as if a knife slits the balls of my feet. so i walked like a limp girl, holding one side of my dress which was too long for me without the high heels. good thing the hotel staffs handed us the hotel slippers so almost all the bridesmaid wore one and used it to walk themselves to their rooms.

at the end of the night, people were dancing to the music, some were just sitting down in the family area, most were just enjoying more food and talked to family members. it was a beautiful night, beautiful wedding, yummy food, a room full of family and friends, with the faces so familiar to me, and music so fine i remember them from my playlist.

and the worst has finally gone; the reading of the bible and my speech. the original version of the speech was 5 minutes long. but then the MC asked both me and ko adam to shorten our speeches and made it into 1 simple 4-minute-long speech. so, i deleted the previous outline and i had no time to make a new one. so i made it all up in my head few hours before the wedding without paper and pen.

im so glad my sister and ko vino liked it :)

the next day i woke up at 10.30 and realized Shirley has gone already. Shirley Lui is my sister's bestfriend from Bronte College when they were in grade 12. then they went separate ways. Shirley went to Halifax and to Hongkong for her master degree and for work while my sister stayed in toronto, went to UofT, work in sauga, and got married 2 days ago.

Shirley is one of the bridesmaids too. she stayed for a week in Jakarta, hoping to be able to travel around Jakarta. but thats almost impossible to do. without car and driver, it's really dangerous to walk alone, with no skill of indonesian language, and taking public transportation. so then I took her to malls,streetfoods,karaoke while still finding time for dress fittings everyday. it's really nice to know her!

she loves travelling. shes been to india, nepal, vietnam, and other places ive never been to and shes really brave, considering she has no indonesian number or even a phone with her.

the next day right after the wedding, she went back to Hongkong at 6.15 in d morning. so she only slept for 2 hours before the shuttle service came to pick her up.

now that the wedding is over, sister n brother off to their honeymoon, i'm focusing on my own holiday. yesterday night was the official end of the celebration. we went to Mulia hotel and had dinner at Table 8. then when we got home, i had to wait until 1.45 am (indonesia time) to enroll for my courses next year. good thing Leo and Shan was online so i just chatted with them to prevent me from falling asleep.

here are the courses which are attached to my timetable now:
1. eco200y (microecon)
2. eco 202y (macroecon)
3. eco2200y (statistics)
4. fsl205y (continuing french)
5. ita200y (continuing italian)

and after arranging my schedule, pretty sure i can find some time to work part-time to save some money for vancouver, let's just hope i get one that i like!

oh! i also want to update my goals for 2011.. i got into International Affairs! (check!) but i didn't get all >80 final marks.

oh and in approx 10 days im off to Korea for 4 days and 3 nights and Toronto right after that! i miss Toronto so badly. i just wish i could bring all my friends there :(

some of the bridesmaids

thankyou for coming :*

[Cause it’s a beautiful night,
We’re looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.]

about Bradley Cooper and random midnight thoughts...

2011-06-02T10:45:00.003-04:00

this is my first time uploading a video and it's Bradley Cooper speaking french in an interview with a french news. oh my god! he looks totally adorable n sexy!

but the most exciting thing is that i understand 80% of what they're talking about =D that means the hardship of dealing with french last year has finally paid off!

talking about Bradley Cooper and his sexy french accent, that reminds me that my whole life, i never really am into someone famous, so into him/her that i collect every little detail about them, that i know the birth date, the city he/she is from, the whole career journey, the next big show, or watch everything that has him/her in it. i never felt so connected, so in awe, i never felt that way, ever.

never idolizing someone doesnt mean that i never liked anyone famous. i like JK Rowling, she's legendary, she's smart, she's such a great writer whose story i grew up with. but i don't know anything more about her. i don't know in what city shes living, when was she born, etc.

i like Kahlil Gibran. he's the most amazing poet whose poem i've ever read. but i don't even know what's his face like.

i like oprah winfrey, zooey deschanel, andrea hirata, albert einstein, sophie kinsella, paulo coelho, james cameron, shakespeare, oscar wilde. i like channing tatum, jessica alba, keira knightley, johnny depp, michael buble, norah jones, michelangelo, dante, haruki murakami, coco chanel, audrey hepburn. i like lots of people who has moved me, who has contributed something that change me little by little whether it's from the book they wrote, the movie they produced, the quotes they invented, the music they sang, the life they lead, or even from just painting they made.

but i never really am so crazy into someone that i wanna let everyone knows that i like them, i follow them, i stalk them, i wanna meet them no matter what. no...

i'm just happy to be able to see their work and improve my life based on their lives.

so that's all my midnight thoughts.
nighty!

But what minutes! Count them by sensation, and not by calendars, and each moment is a day. — Benjamin Disraeli

2011-05-30T05:38:00.003-04:00

considering my driving experience, my reflex, my ability to see at night, there's no way i would be allowed to drive in the heart of Jakarta at night. especially with motorcycles buzzing all around like a swarm of bees and the amount of public transportation with no ethics of driving and the people crossing the street wherever they wish.

but last friday i actually did drive in the centre of jakarta with jason's car. 3 other people are in the car with me; metta, cath, and the owner of the car himself. that was my first time driving in jakarta, at night, with my friends.

to sum up in 1 word, the whole experience was: thrilling!

i love the fact that my friend just lent me his car, that everyone just asked me whether i have a driving license (which i have) and whether ive ever driven a car in jakarta, the answer to the last question would be a yes. but, the last time i drove in jakarta was more than a year ago with my dad. well, they didnt ask when it was.

so then suddenly i was behind the wheel, in a red car with my 3 friends. the rest of the story was a history now. they told me to give right sign, i gave left sign and then without listening to my friends, i made a left, which resulted in the unknowingness of where we were heading and a much more intense difficulty level of driving. the cars were like barking dogs all around me with their honking horns and the motorcycles all around, but we actually made it. we drove around, passing Fatahillah museum, then pluit, then going to the highway, passing a narrower darker road to rena's house.

i have this habit of looking at the name plate of the toll road person, to whom we exchange several rupiah with the freedom of using the highway. so then that night, i was so excited as it was my first time paying the toll fee. but when i handed the 5000 rupiah to the guy, i accidentally dropped it before he got hold of it... i cant believe it! my first experience of paying the toll fee was an absolute fail! but anyways, this guy's name was Muhammad Ali and he was a really nice guy. he said just leave it there.. so then i press the gas pedal and off we went to rena's house.

of course, people who read this will go like "so what? that's my everyday experience, nothing special about it" but here's what i would say. imagine you're so used to seeing steering wheel on the left and driving on the right side of the road, imagine you never drive anywhere without your parent, imagine you barely have any experience of driving, imagine you're driving someone else's car, imagine a very busy road with people honking and motorcycles pushing their way through a very narrow path between you and the pavement next to you. and that, that was an experience i would never forget. even if i grow old and have driven for uncountable times, the intensity, thrill and the courage would not repeat itself twice. so thanks to my dearest friends for trusting me with their lives =p =p

2011-05-27T13:56:00.002-04:00

When we're apart whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?
So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?

2011-05-19T07:20:00.002-04:00

i will not trade this for anything else in life. this. the water, the rock, the complexion, us three, so young and golden like the sun, unmarried, and free.
Lion's Head, Tobermory. September 2010

2011-05-16T11:18:00.002-04:00

back where i belong, i found all the stuffs i left where i last saw it. some of them have been rearranged but most of them stay where they were.
this photoalbum, this necklace, that birthday card, that poster, that perfume i hadnt had chance to wear, rows and rows of books, a bit dusty but legible, that headband, that little blue book, that photos, everything seemed to plunge me back to 10 months ago.
everytime i stepped my feet out of my house, the weather is the same as 10 months ago, i got on the exact same car, the exact same security guard, the same driver, the same neighbourhood, same church.

how about friends?

friends.they have grown up. it made me feel a little bit left out due to their busy schedule and final exams coming up but all is good coz im busy myself too with my sis's wedding coming up and lots of stuffs to buy before i go back to toronto.
one time i remember my friend told me that it's really hard to get together like how we used to in highschool and at first i didnt really get it but now i know what she meant. we all have moved on. although most of my friends are still in indonesia, now they study in different universities, they learn different stuff, they have new friends, some have new bf/gf. now theyre more serious about life, about their studies, no more slacking around like when we were in highschool. to be honest, its like how i am in toronto.

but the thing about coming home, i want everything to be exactly the same but somehow theyre not.

people said to me that i go back to indonesia too early, people still have school, they are all busy. but im grateful that i can see them all like this, like how they really are everyday, not how they are during vacation. i met their new friends, saw what their assignments are, sneaked in to a lecture once, saw their distressed and tortured faces and knew that i wasnt alone. i am not that different, i am not that far away.

so anyways, i know its only been almost a month but i miss toronto so badly. i miss the people, the places we usually frequented, the spring vibe.
isnt it bad?
i miss indonesia when i was in toronto.
i miss toronto when im in indonesia.

good night, indonesia.
good morning, toronto.

2011-05-09T11:10:00.002-04:00

to stop loving someone is probably the weirdest feeling ever. suddenly the curtain's closing before your eyes and the lights were lit up to its brightest possible. the music stopped playing, you just realized it. but most likely it has stopped 2 years ago. or probably there was never any cue of music. you made it up because you're in a theatre and theatre supposed to have grand music playing in tune with the actors on the stage, right? but then another fact struck you, you're the only person watching the show. the seats covered with rich red velvet were empty and the stairs were covered with dust. you stood up and walked to the exit rightaway, feeling bottomless, like something's been ripped away from you. it's hollow in there.

you missed the show, you missed the actors. they were great, weren't they? then you tried to convinced yourself, "there was a show, i'm pretty sure. the actress looked like me and the actor wasn't all that great but they looked perfect together."

your dress was red but now it's black. like a simple little black dress you always had at the back of your closet. and when you stood up, you high heels turned itself to a pair of flat shoes, your flat shoes, the usual old boring one. then you walked out of the theatre and breathed fresh air..
so refreshing!

the city was glimmering and people were rushing. couples, singles, homeless, corporates, designers, teachers, husbands on their way to bars, wives on their way to meet their other significant gentlemen. and you stood there watching it all happened. you were on your own again.
so lonely.
so you ran back to the theatre to watch another show but there is no more show. there will never be another show.
the actor walked out of the old rusty gate and you saw his face. it was old and his eyes were tired. he wore not some fancy costumes but a sheet of old shirt. he was no longer some tall young gentleman with a cigar, some protagonist in a story, some guy you fell hardly in love with.
he looked...so ordinary.

so you walked back home feeling disappointed and tired and hollow and incomplete.
but more than ever, tired.
albert einstein used to be someone you trust for his quote "gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love". but now gravity has worked its way upon you again. your feet were on the ground once more.

Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life. —Brian Andreas

2011-05-07T12:22:00.007-04:00

it's been 2 weeks since i first arrived in Soekarno-Hatta international airport. it was a superhumid day due to the afterrain effect and the amount of people lining up for the immigration.

i was alone and my blackberry died few hours ago since i was in hongkong and i have zero indonesian currency. i was tired and wasted and restless and all i wanna do is just get to my house as soon as possible!

i met my mom and sis and we drove back to my house where i took a quick shower, ate proper homemade soup, and unpacked a little. then i met up with alain windi wawan mek yoseph and raphael and we ate together, chatted for sometime. then konak showed up but i was too tired to talk for long. so he took me to my house where i slept like a baby but woke up 6 hours after that due to severe jetlag.

jetlag will always be my worst enemy when i travelled somewhere. i just can't sleep in d plane. when i wanted to sleep, the cabin crew turned on the light and forced us to eat with the noise of the cart and the mumbling voices of starving people.

so i only got 5 hours of sleep.

after that here's what happen:
1. the next day i went to a hairdresser to cut my hair and i also went to a tailor to measure my body for the bridesmaid dress. afterwards, i went to konak's house to help him with his assignments.
2. the next day i went to another tailor for the evening gown, went to opa n oma gani's house and to pluit junction, where i met rena n jason n their friends n did some salsa n hiphop
3. the next day i went to my old school with windi. met my old teachers and had some good laughs n conversations we would never had if we were still students there.
4. the next day i went to pasar baru and pluit with mom dad and my sister. my dad went to a tailor there to make his suit and then they dropped me off at pluit junction, where i met jason n his friends n joined 2 sessions of yoga. later that night, i had dinner at pandan bistro! :D
5. the next day i stayed home and windi came to my house and told me all about "something" ;)
6. saturday! me n windi went to plaza indonesia, met up with her vancouver friends and her piano friends and the next thing i knew, we had dinner at tony romas with 14 people altogether whom at the beginning of the day i knew none of them.
7. sunday! i stayed at home
8. monday all over again... fitting for bridesmaid dress.
9. tuesday.. went to TA mall, my sis had a meeting with her wedding planner and i bought a new book by Andrea Hirata. title is Padang Bulan and i looooove it.
10. wednesday.. i cant remember anything. weird.
11. thursday! went on skype in the morning and leo was talking to me in indonesian. lmao. turned out josh taught him some indonesian sentences. the next day he went to Quebec for his french immersion program. then,i went to bandung with my family. bought a single shirt and spent 2 hours talking with alain.but of course, it's not enough.
12. fridayyyyy. metta's birthday surprise! pics available on fb.no need to say anything.
13. and yesterday: central park with rena dede nene moses jason cath and jb.we had lunch at sushi tei and pancake at nanny's pavillion. then we walked and talked and laughed. had some good catching up with cath in the car up to the point where i forgot about the cake i bought n i left it in her car's back seat. oh wellll...
14. tonight: lisya's sweet 17 birthday party and meet all my family from mom's side :) :)

-all my marks finally came up and i got 3 As and 2 Bs. lower than expected but a gpa of 3.6 made me smile :) oh and as for my goals, i didn't get all above 80. my math end mark is 73 and psych is 76.

have a good sunday everyone!

I like to see people reunited, I like to see people run to each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can’t tell fast enough, the ears that aren’t big enough, the eyes that can’t take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone — Jonathan Safran Foer

The first sigh of love is the last of wisdom. — Antoine Bret

and so i guess it's another wasted love story then. i really love this one.

permainan terbaru

2011-05-04T13:14:00.004-04:00

semua ini hanya seperti permainan.
hanya ingin kulihat seberapa lihai aku memainkannya.
setelah menang,
akan kucampakkan begitu saja.
bangga? sudah tentu
tapi aku tidak akan selesai berlari mengejar yang baru
meninggalkan yang lalu

dan engkau
engkau adalah permainan terbaruku
yang tidak kunjung usai
tidak tunduk juga kau padaku.
aku jadi geram
muram dan naik pitam
aku merayu, memohon, meringis, mencium punggung tanganmu
aku mengancam, menghentak, membanting, memaksakan kehendakku
kau tetap tak acuh

hebat benar

tapi ini hanya permulaan
dan permulaan yang tak kulihat ujungnya
tak dapat kuperkirakan jaraknya

namun untuk kali ini dan kali kali lainnya
aku hanya akan membiarkan semuanya beku dalam 104 minggu
akan kutunggu
tak tahu seberapa lama
tapi akan kutunggu
hingga nanti hari kekalahanmu

2011-05-01T09:10:00.002-04:00

i like the questioning
i like the impatience
the hugging
the running to each other's arms
the unpredictability
the expectations
the hopes
the end of wondering
the time of witnessing
the eyes
the lips
the laughs
the stories waiting to be told
the changes we try to take in slowly
the staring too long
the catching each other's eyes
the stupid wishes
the confusion
the reassurance of feelings
the awkwardness
the you
and the me
and the time just stood still

2011-04-27T22:08:00.000-04:00

Two years ago, I was afraid of wanting anything. I figured wanting would lead to trying and trying would lead to failure. But now I find I can’t stop wanting. I want to fly somewhere on first class. I want to travel to Europe on a business trip. I want to get invited to the White House. I want to learn about the world. I want to surprise myself. I want to be important. I want to be the best person I can be. I want to define myself instead of having others define me. I want to win and have people be happy for me. I want to lose and get over it. I want to not be afraid of the unknown. I want to grow up and be generous and big hearted, the way people have been with me. I want an interesting and surprising life. It’s not that I think I’m going to get all these things, I just want the possibility of getting them. College represents possibility. The possibility that things are going to change. I can’t wait.
-Tyra Collette, Friday Night Lights

favorite quote from Emma tv-mini series :)

2011-04-26T23:00:00.000-04:00

EMMA: Well then let us, as you say, live in the real world where men, of course, always reject a girl with a pretty face in favor of one with a well-informed mind.
MR. KNIGHTLEY: What--
EMMA: Oh no, no, no. I bow to your superior knowledge. You're sixteen years more experienced -- you must know best! Harriet with her good looks and her easy temperament will be right at the back of the queue with your sex when it comes to choosing a mate! Now we have both made our argument. Let us not quarrel.
MR. KNIGHTLEY: Really, it is better to be without wits than apply them as you do, Emma!
EMMA: There! Don't you see how you add force to my argument? Men don't like girls who argue! Harriet is just the sort of girl every man wants: she bewitches his senses and satisfies him that he is always right. Were you to ever marry, she'll be just the sort of woman for you.
MR. KNIGHTLEY: HA!
EMMA: Mark my words. Harriet can pick and choose. Here she is, right at the beginning of her life. Why should she accept the first offer she receives?

hongkong airport. 5.50 in the morning

2011-04-23T17:35:00.002-04:00

im currently sitting down in the restaurant area of hongkong international airport. ive just arrived from a tiring 15-hour flight which makes me feel drained. like totally drained. my skin are drying because of the length of time spent above the ground, and my head is slightly spinning because of lack of sleep.

that is what i hate the most about traveling with plane. i cant sleep!
well it depends on the airline im using, but with cathay, they have a new kind of seat which does not leaning backwards, its like sliding downward and it makes my head kinda awkward and my body feel stiff.

in the plane, im sitting on 55k, right by the window. beside me is a chinese guy named Michael who studied Environment in Nova Scotia, and beside him is a palestinian guy, 26 y o, lives in montreal named Heni.

it kind of surprised me that i get on the plane from toronto international airport and none of these people sitting beside me is from toronto. they also had no idea that im indonesian (like people always do) and turned out that Heni earned his undergrad in Malaysia. the funny thing is he guessed my name is Nur, Nurul, or Siti. and when i said its not, he still insisted. 'Come on, you indonesian always have that name everywhere. Nur or Siti' and i told him thats more Malaysian than Indonesian. then he said 'Ohh! now i remember! ure right! indonesian named their kids after some god and goddesses name right?'

i just laughed hopelessly. this guy have no idea at all.

but theyre really niceee. and Heni said i should come to Montreal, people are so nice, you can make friends everywhere.

when we arrived in Hongkong, we got separated and so now here i am doing nothing until my next flight which will board at 8.55.

am i excited to go home? hell yeah.
but im just not mentally ready for the hot weather, traffic, and the comments about how fat i am now. urgh..
well im not that sure about the "people will comment on me that im getting fatter" part, but they always do that everytime someones back from their first year in canada, that happened to my sisters and my neighbor and my uncle and my aunt. so im pretty experienced about this thing. i just hope im not getting a lot fatter since my sister's wedding will be in june.

actually, im kinda hungry now..
off buying some ramen <3

2011-04-19T13:49:00.002-04:00

yesterday i went to square one to gave out my resumes. its not as nerve wrecking as i thought it would be. u just went into a store and ask "hey, r u guys hiring for summer?" and they will respond in many ways such as "oh yea we are" or "sorry we're fully staffed" or other boring lines. but i managed to give out all my 9 resumes to Aeropostale, American Eagle, bath n body works, Tommy hilfiger, Fossil, Urban Behaviour, Aldo, HMV, and another one which i cant remember. and i submit online application to GAP, Old Navy, and Banana Republic. i put all the availability as june 29th or july 1st. so they wont even contact me until its nearing my available date. i really hope i can get the job in one of those places :)

anyways, move onnnn..

so IM DONE WITH EXAMS wooohoooo!!
well actually its since last friday but after that i got no time to write here. i went swimming rightaway alone as planned, the next day stay at home, reading On Beauty and watch How I Met Your Mother (done with season 1) then the next day went sushi buffet and at night went to church for palm sunday.

and today its tuesday, im waiting for the clock to move faster because at 5 today me n julie mizuki ela n mishal gonna meet up, go downtown for a ladies night out, dinner at Pickle Barrel (i know i know, we have pickle barrel in sauga too, but its different when ure downtown!its more lively!) then prob get a drink or two (if they dont card us) and probably going to Guu with adam kevina my sister.

i know i shudve start packing for indo, but im soooo lazy u wont even believe it. im just lying on my bed, watching How I Met your mother all the time if im not going out.
and btw, for u guys who havent watch how i met your mother, u should!! its sooo good! :D

and im currently singing like crazy on skype with kim and listening to last night's recording of Josh singin barbie girl and leo singin titanic and both singin she bangs by william hung. omg we're dyingggg..

anyways, i really should start prepare myself for tonite.
see ya guys!

2011-04-13T00:27:00.003-04:00

so, hello again!
i have no idea who that girl is but in my opinion, she looks fabulous! her outfit, her smile, the colours. probably somewhere near tibet? lol, so random.

so this is what happened today..
italian exam was a LIVING HELL. i swear i have never faced that kind of exam. its not hard like calculus-n-formulas hard, it's hard because it's a language course. so apparently the exam consisted of 17 pages. usually, the term test consist of 4 pages. 4 term tests=16 pages, which if you want to do it math-ly, its kinda fair. but how the test was made was like sjfhgsiugrf. seriously, i have no mood to study at all now. i think im just tired. i spent the last 2 weeks inside my house except when i went to school yesterday and today. i mean it, literally inside my house. i bought some food before that, every single day i go to sleep at 3 and wake up at 12/1 ish, study until 3 again. i am so damn tired and it finally exploded today... i went to st.louis for wings with kevina adri adam and my sister, the usual gang. they were like "OMG where have u been?! it feels like i havent seen u in a month!"

no wonder, i see them all the time, almost everyday, every single weekend. they went downtowning, went to lounge, had dinner, met my friend's gf who came by from a different city, et cetera et cetera, while ive been inside my house for what seems like forever.

okay, sorry im ranting...

im just so stressed out.

plus, i have to look for the model of dress for myself for my sister's wedding. plus, i have this relative in indonesia whos been nagging me asking me to find out the price of BB torch, iphone 4, and ipad 2. and he also insisted that iphone 5 does exist. well hello gentleman right there, iphone 5 is not out yet! and i dont know why hes so stupid he cant even find out the exchange rate himself. when someone finally gave him the exchange rate ($1=Rp...) he still asked so whats the total?

i mean like seriously, you just need to times it. the $ x Rp. thats fuckin it.

if this is his first time i would be fine, but no. he asked my first sister from december and when finally my sister went back home in january and brought her white iphone with her to be sold to him, he said he couldnt unlock it and he needed to pay more for the cost of unlocking it so he wanted my sister to lower the price. and now he's bbm ing me almost every single day. usually i just read it and not replying to it because i was just so speechless. i mean, ...........

ok pointless ranting. i better go to sleep now.

still got calculus final and french for the closing of hell period this friday.
after that, i wanna go swimming by myself. it will be like a sweet reunion of me and my conscious self...

sushi on saturday
a ballroom dance lesson on sunday!

buenas noches.

2011-04-11T21:47:00.002-04:00

today..

freakin 23 degrees during the day! i was in d study room with olga, leo, elena, joshua and aseem came to join us later on. and while we were hectically doing some calculus stuffs, we realized it was really really hot and we just got more emotionally unstable. plus, leo was eating orange silently, aseem brought his soup in an insulated bottle, joshua had a muffin, i had a sandwich, and so by the time we were there for the 4th or 5th hour, the room felt stuffy and humid and all the scents got mixed up. we finally called it the end of our study time at like 5 ish and we went to tim hortons to buy some ice capps.
...and it does really felt like spring! some people wore shorts n tanktops!
I went to Second Cup in streetsville because they have the "NOW HIRING!" sign. i gathered all my courage and asked the barista guy "r u hiring for summer?" and the answer was "no. we're just looking for full-timers now and theres this huge pile of resumes and so far there's only one got accepted".
so then i thanked him and walked away to tim horton's which really is just 300 meters away from Second Cup and asked if theyre hiring for summer and they said yes! so then i filled a form (which didnt look nice because half of the form which is about past work experiences was left blank) and i wrote clearly when i am available for work and i handed it back with my resume too. SO, that was my first ever printed resume that i gave out.
i don't know if i'm ready for math at all. i mean, i kinda got all my answers right for the past exams but im pretty sure the questions for exams are gonna be waaay harder than those.. and i still have to review the summation graph, lagrange multiplier theory, and some other stuffs.
i need to study for italian exam! its tomorrow 4-7 pm. such an awkward time!

mi piacciono...

2011-04-10T14:31:00.003-04:00

i came across this girl's blog and she randomly post how she likes her food/drinks. and since im taking a break from tedious calculus work, im gonna do it too!

coffee: nescafe original with creamer and sugar. 1 tsp of coffee, 2 tsp of sugar, 2 tsp of creamer.
every single morning.

bagel: everything bagel, toasted, with butter/strawberry jam

tea: chamomile/honeyed jasmine tea

coffee at tim horton's: medium 3 sugar and 2 creams. yes i am high in sugar intake to keep me awake.

tea at tim horton's: medium 2 sugar, 1 cream.

muffin: blueberry

timbits: honey glazed/strawberry/old fashioned

pretzel: cinnamon

bread: banana bread. no chocolate chip

pizza: margherita + thick crust. no mushroom!

starbucks: venti hot chocolate (exam), caramel frappucinno (any day), caramel brulle latte (cold winter days)

sides: caesar salad or sweet potato fries

drinks: water with lemon/ ice tea/ sugarcane!

oatmeal: banana nut

sandwich: turkey bacon club

sushi: crispy spicy salmon <3

popcorn: kernel's air popped caramel or caramel popcorn at XXI

steak: medium rare

bubble tea flavour: red bean with large tapioca <3

bread: whole wheat with peanut butter and jam or strawberry jam or with chicken slices.

hot chocolate: carnation or second cup's. love em!

international food: indian, mexican, japanese, korean, indonesian (bali, padang, manado and jakarta especially)

alcohol: red wine/ice wine or anything other than smirnoff.

dessert: puddings <3 /lava cake/ red bean ice cream/ demetre's creation

ice cream: classic; cookies and cream.the frozen toffee at blue mountain. laura secord's french crisp. et mi piace il gelato e lo spumone!

i am generally not picky about food and drinks. but those are what i usually have and i love em until now.

2011-04-05T22:02:00.004-04:00

OKAY.. this is faster than expected. and kinda creepy actually because on april 3rd, i just wrote that i cant wait for my working permit to arrive.. like is it ever gonna arrive anyway?

AND TODAY my sister took all our mails from the mailbox, and i got my working permitttt~!
woohoooooo!!!!

FINALLY!
now i just need to learn how to make resume and how to practice for work interview.. so then i'll b able to work during summer after im back from indonesia and korea <3

cant believe theres still something good happening in the middle of this crazy exam time!

soo one more goal achieved!gonna scratch that from the list!

okayy, back to psychology now!

2011-04-05T19:44:00.000-04:00

A Contribution to Statistics
by Wislawa Szymborska

English version by Clare Cavanagh and Stanislaw Baranczak

Out of a hundred people

those who always know better
– fifty-two

doubting every step
– nearly all the rest,

glad to lend a hand
if it doesn’t take too long
– as high as forty-nine,

always good
because they can’t be otherwise
– four, well maybe five,

able to admire without envy
– eighteen,

suffering illusions
induced by fleeting youth
– sixty, give or take a few,

not to be taken lightly
– forty and four,

living in constant fear
of someone or something
– seventy-seven,

capable of happiness
– twenty-something tops,

harmless singly, savage in crowds
– half at least,

cruel
when forced by circumstances
– better not to know
even ballpark figures,

wise after the fact
– just a couple more
than wise before it,

taking only things from life
– thirty
(I wish I were wrong),

hunched in pain,
no flashlight in the dark
– eighty-three
sooner or later,

righteous
– thirty-five, which is a lot,

righteous
and understanding
– three,

worthy of compassion
– ninety-nine,

mortal
– a hundred out of a hundred.
Thus far this figure still remains unchanged.

I restore myself when I’m alone. — Marilyn Monroe

2011-04-03T02:19:00.003-04:00

is it really 20 days away?

yes it is! i'm 20 days away from indonesiaaaaaaa~

i HATE it everytime someone brought that up to me, it's like 20 days!!it's so closeeeee! but i dont wanna get all excited and not focusing on my final exams! yes i do have final exams, it's a fight of blood dropping 2-hour final exam for eco, psych, italian, and french, and a bone cracking 3 hour calculus final exam!

after having unfogivingly consuming myself with partying and living all above the clouds, now i have to fall back to the ground and face my econ notes, books, and tutorial papers and past tests and try to make sense out of them.it's sooo hardd to just focus! even this morning (especially, this morning) after partying at julie's (+ running outside with short pants and tanktop when it was 2 degrees just to crash at other people's party in a residence across the street)last night, when i woke up, the first thing i did was took a shower, then brushed my teeth, did my laundry, cleaned up a bit, made breakfast, then studied econ for 5 hours until it's time for church.

after church, me, my sister, kevina, and ko adam had dinner at swiss chalet, then we played billiard for a bit. now i'm back to my room all tired but not wanting to sleep. i know i shudve been studying now, i got econ and psych test 2 days in a row in less than 12 hours difference in between. and i havent reviewed anything for psych.

i dont know what i want to write here honestly, there are so many things going on in my mind. oh well, might as well made a list here...

1. so, im not recommended to leave french for a year, then it means i have to take 6 courses next year! thats crazy... should i drop italian? umhh
2. i cant wait to go backkk!
3. need to review for econ and psych asap
4. GROCERY! (stocking my fridge with food to accompany me studying for finals)
5. i wanna get my working permittt. when will it arrive?
6. i just realized i have 3 novels lining up and i havent touched them even for a bit. i really hav no time and i miss reading so much! but everytime i read them, i feel like i need to allocate my time reading my textbooks instead of reading them.
7. how do you draw producer theory graphs??whats the difference between firm and industry graphs and how do they relate the numbers?
8. is there anyone whos still awake at this timeee?hello?
9. i like it how people can see the inner personality of overweighted girls instead of judging them by their looks. im in awe that people dont say that theyre not pretty bcause for sure they are pretty and guys are crazy over them because of who they are not because of how they look.
10. i love little acts of kindness. like when i see someone give sidewalk musicians a quarter. that made me smile.
11. i never would have thought that im lucky but then i heard my friends whos never seen lake in mississauga although hes been here all his life, some never been to toronto island, some never been cottaging, never lied down on a dock to see shooting stars, never played paintball, whitewater rafting, never been drunk, never go picnic, never tried to study somewhere else other than library and their houses, never tried lebanese food, never tried vietnamese food, never been to other country, never hiked a mountain, never waken up so early just to see sunrise, never watched asian dramas, never been on a roadtrip. i might not be the most experienced person, im not saying that ive tried everything, i havent tried SO MANY THINGS but i want to try them so bad. but right now, i just feel lucky. thats all. my life is so beautiful i cant ask for more.
12. how are you mom, dad, and my sister? have fun in hongkong!
13. im a control freak. im anxious all the time
14. and im so stubborn and have a huge ego
15. i wish i could like math more.. i want to like math, well i have to like math..
16. did i say i cant wait to go back to indonesia?
17. i dont know how my friends will be now.. hav they changed so much? please dont, i miss our time together so badly. and i know im not the best friend around since im not regularly in touch with them but thats because of time difference, the amount of assignmnts n tests, and so forth. i miss them so much.
18. so, spring is finally heree... all the snow have melted and its so warm during the day :) i'll see u soon, snow! and i'll def go snowboarding again sometime during winter later!
19. craving red bean chiller with tapiocaaaa
20. anyway, its 3 now, i should really go sleep!
21. last one, i wanna get good marks for ALL my courses! pleasepleaseplease

fingers crossed for finals

ciao!

with merlyn.mount batur, Bali 2009 :)

One’s home is like a delicious piece of pie you order in a restaurant on a country road one cozy evening - the best piece of pie you have ever eaten in your life - and can never find again. After you leave home, you may find yourself feeling homesick, even if you have a new home that has nicer wallpaper and a more efficient dishwasher than the home in which you grew up.

— ~Lemony Snicket

It is not the brains that matter most, but that which guides them — the character, the heart, generous qualities, progressive ideas.— Fyodor Dostoev

2011-03-23T21:35:00.005-04:00

what a crap i wrote yesterday. its like putting all my scrambled mine into a post which actually is the purpose of this blog. but really, that one was crappy and produced under the utmost stress. kay, no worries..

ok people,
let me tell u a secret..
which will not be a secret anymore. but i dont care.

im interested in this guy. i dont like him. im interested. whatever. just a matter of words. kk, soo this guy is really interesting because he always seems to have his own way of doing something. he's always on the move, he's always busy and God knows why, i think theres something incredibly sexy about a guy who's so occupied with something and never depend his decision on friends or other people. he goes wherever he wants to, he does whatever he feels like.. he's a hardworker, so focused and somehow he's annoying. annoying because i wish i didn't know him. i wish im just a girl looking at him from afar because he looks so cool from a distance. but not that cool from a close point of view. he likes girls, pretty ones especially, but never actually think of being in a relationship. somehow i look up to him on the "do what u want to" part and in some other parts and he's a bit older but not by much. he doesnt read, he doesnt really cook, he doesnt like photography, doesnt paint, doesnt play football, is not good-looking like chace crawford or whatever crap i used to say i find interesting in a guy. but he is just interesting..

but looking at him in that way, it also makes me think..

how do people look at me?
people said that whatever you think about urself, thats also the exact reflection that people see on you. for example, if you think of yourself as a pretty girl, then you will actually act like you're pretty, you maintain your looks, you wanna look pretty, so then eventually people will see you as a pretty girl.

or something like that..

then one time in between the breaks when i was supposed to do my assignments, i caught myself thinking..
what do i think about myself? as that would be how people think about me..

so i gather my scattered thought and for that solid seconds, i really thought about how do i see myself?
im zooming out from all the assignments, the flashing bbm, the people rushing by and for one i see myself as a girl. an 18 year old girl who's sitting at one of those table. im just one of "them". one of these people who have whatever problems and things to do. and here is my thought about what kind of girl i wanna be..

i wanna be a smart girl, i wanna be smart without having to isolate myself to study. i wanna be pretty. not just the pretty by looks, i wanna be prettier inside than outside. i wanna have courage to speak up my mind without hurting others. i wanna be a girl who can be a role model. i dont know role model in what way, thats just a wishful thinking. i dont wanna be the girl who dress like what she sees in magazines just because of the fact that it's on magazines.

i dont wanna be the girl who complaints but never fixes anything.

i wanna be the girl who learns everyday. i wanna be the girl who doesnt depend on money to boost her self-esteem. i wanna be the girl who doesnt think that partying is a way to seem cooler, it's just a way to let loose and its NOT BAD for God's sake. i dont wanna be judgmental. i dont wanna be the girl who loses her identity just because shes trying to be more western-like. i wanna be the girl who reads. i wanna be the girl who never depends her happiness on anyone other than herself. i dont wanna be the girl who thinks that swearing is alright.it is not alright but it does feel good. i wanna the girl who dances anytime she wants to, wherever, whenever.

the list can go on and on..
i dont know how people sees me.. i hope im projecting the right impressions..

okay then..
i need to go to bed now..
thanks for reading my midnight blabbering =p

(1 month away from indonesia, YAY!)

2011-03-23T00:17:00.003-04:00

its march 23rd everyoneeee!!!
and ive only written 2 blog posts! 2! TWO! what a failure..

ok,,
i don't actually have something to tell other than:
my marks are seriously rocketing down. my econ overall is like 80.5 and my math is like 74. OH WELL. but life currently can't be any better. have you ever heard of the triangle with different aspects of life in each side? they are: GOOD GRADES, SOCIAL LIFE, ENOUGH SLEEP. and you can only choose two..

that triangle is very true..
i got enough sleep (kind of), my social life is currently trying to pace up and to keep up with both aspects, my grades are going down :( okay! no more slacking off!

ive learned from my psychology lecture that procrastination won't help at all. it's when you try to deny that you don't have anything to do or try to put it off to the last minute although you know it will get worse. and it consumes lots of energy because in order for your brain to not think about it, you have to keep distracting urself and it does need energy..

so then, after the enlightment from my psych prof, i feel like i need to rearrange all my notes and review from the very first chapter of every single course i have.

meanwhile..

yesterday i've chosen my program: international affairs. specialist. 14 credits needed. 3 econ courses for next year are waiting for me impatiently to engulf and kill me slowly..
i HATE math. hate is a strong word but i really really really really don't like math. the reason i can still put up with it is because i have my amazing friends and their self-motivated spirit kinda help me to light up my own inner self-motivating thingi. i dont know what im talking about. its kinda late here..
okay, and i bring up math in this subject because next year i need to take ECO220Y. a full year course about statistics. also used as prerequisite for BIO(somethingsomething).. sooo, i will be in the same room with all those geniuses with "science" written all over their face.
i didnt know this at first until yesterday i went up to the academic advisor of international affairs program to ask her about political science course but turned out that she has something to say to me first. she said lots of people taking international affairs didnt know that they need to take ECO220Y because this course is not listed in the program requirement. however, it is listed as the prerequisite of ECO365H which is a program requirement. so in order to take that course, u need to take ECO220Y first! such a tricky thing!

i have planned all the courses i wanna take until the day i graduated. 5 courses each year! and now i need to take this statistical thingi which will add up to 6 courses next year. SIX! how am i suppose to breath!?

eco200,eco202,eco220,fsl205,ita200,and pol280, i will be your bestfriend.

i'm kinda sad though that this first year is almost over. now we will actually be choosing our own way in terms of programs and degree. i will not be seeing the people in mat133 anymore i guess because lots of them are taking commerce next year and they have different courses than mine.

ok i need to sleep now.
italian last term test tomorrow and half an hour after that im gonna face french oral exam. i have no idea how to do all those without getting mixed up!

WISH ME LUCK
buenas noches :)

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.— Albert Camus

2011-03-07T20:12:00.006-05:00

so this is my 300th post apparently.. i can't believe ive written sooo many blog posts during the last 3 years =p

so last saturday i went to italian play that i have to watch. the title is La Calandria, it's a play in 18th century by Bernardo Dovizi da Bibbiena or something. although the play was in full italian but there were subtitles for us, english-speakers. the play lasted for 2 hours with intermission of 10 minutes included. we got to taste some italian food too during the intermission..not the pasta or pizza type, but more like cakes, ham, grapes, and other fruits dipped into a bowl of sauce. really different from what i had in mind about italian food obviously..

i thought the play would be boring and i had to endure a boring 2 hour play..but it turns out to be funny and although some parts were unclear (because the subtitle moved really fast!) but i still find myself enjoying it immensely.

i went home with ko vino's parents because they were from a place near UTM. it was raining heavily and on our way back ko vino's mom asked me something that made me wondering. the qiuestion was really simple and common: "Tata betah ga di sini?" which translated to "Tata do you like it here?"

it was the question everyones asking me 9 months ago, when i just got here. and i always replied "yes i do!" and everytime i said that my sisters would be like "oh you havent been through the worst part. wait until youve been through winter, shovel the snow, do the daily chores, and endure the courses." but after ive stayed here for that many months, the question never came up again. then suddenly she asked me that question as if i just arrived a month ago.

it took me seconds of pause before i replied to her. in my mind i was like "ive been through winter, i did the daily chores, i did endure the courses, i shoveled the snow now and then, i got snowstorm, i went grocery alone, i went to school with that -26 kind of weather + windchill. and now... do i still like it here? or do i like it because i have to? do i like it because my parents had paid for my university? if someone asked me whether i want to move somewhere else, would i do that?"

i replied "yes i do!" anyway..
that night i was on my bed thinking do i like it here? i closed my eyes for a while and somehow i heard myself say 'yeah i do.. whats not to like? this is the dream life ive been wanting..i got to live with my sisters again, no parents around, i got to laze all day if i want to, i got to meet people from all over the world, i learn the things i wanna learn and my parents let me choose my own direction, i got to explore new places, experience new things which are impossible to be done from the place i came from..'

i guess those pauses i had was because i miss home terribly. i miss my friends and home and food and the feeling of familiarity. which reminded me of a piece of letter that alain wrote for me 9 months ago..so i read it again and i feel a kind of homesick bigger than what myself can contain.ive forgotten what it's like to just sit there with your besties and do nothing and still feel comfortable..

so my deep thought ended there..

the day after that, which is sunday.. ko vino finally flew to Winnipeg. he moved there because he got a better position in the headquarter of the company he's working for now. plus, the job will allow him to travel a lot, something which he's been wanting for a long time.
me, my sisters, his parents, and ko adam went to the airport to bid him goodbye, but then on our way home, my sisters and i, we passed the exit in the highway so we kept going straight, not knowing where it would led us to! then we passed another board saying 'Barry, black creek,...' something else i can't remember. but clearly we're in the wrong way coz Barry is like 3 hours away from home and Barry is where the cottage we rented during september is!

so then we took exit and parked the car for few minutes to figure out where we were. we used blackberry as our guidance for map and addresses. at last,we finally decided to go to Yorkdale Mall. we had our lunch then we walked around for a lil shopping. but then we met Aswin, my sister's friend and then we had dinner together in Finch in a yummy korean restaurant called Joons.

the place is small and located right above subway so we could feel the train rumbling under our feet. but the food is yummy and a bit unusual. during dinner, Aswin talked about skydiving which is something that he had done and something that me n my sister are so interested in.

listening to him talking about it had successfully lured me to really wanting to try it. it's around $300 + another $95 if u want a video of it and that's the tricky part, no one would not want their experience to be taped right? it's like once in a lifetime!

i opened the website and looked around in it for a while and it says that there are 3 different types of first skydive but the safest one is tandem, which means you jumped out of the plane with an instructor attached to your back so he would be the one pulling the parachute and you will be the one enjoying 30 seconds of flying, rolling in the air, and freefalling..

the second and 3rd type required 5 hours of training since you will be doing it alone.. and i don't wanna take 5-hour course so i guess the tandem one would be the most suitable for me.

let's see whether i'll really do it later in the summer after i'm back from indo and korea when the weather is warm enough..

meanwhile i should really focused on my sister's wedding, final exams, and the nearest test from now: calculus on integration this friday. and right after the test we'll eat moxie's and watch some movie!

ciaoooooo

2011-03-03T18:02:00.003-05:00

so here i am all over again in the library. to be exact, im currently sitting in computer are waiting for time to pass me by. i am so damn sleepy after gym and MEL and french assignment today.
let's find something to be thankful for today:
1. the weather is good today.
i even walked down streetsville while waiting for my bus. it was -4 but the sun was bright and barely any wind. so i took a stroll along streetsville which has always been my favorite place in mississauga so far. second favorite place: this intersection in which u can see the whole city sparkling at night :)
2. i went to the gym today
after whole-heartedly refusing leo's offer to come with him to french conversation hour, i went to body blast class at the gym and finally getting my long-delayed workout.
3. i did MEL (yay!)
4. did french podcast
5. my uncle's birthday dinner tonight
he's ordering chicken wings and we'll gather at his house and eat together. <3>
6. went to utms got talent yesterday, not staying until the end of the show but at least got something good to talk and laugh about with my friends =p
7. watching hall pass tomorrow!

bad things:
1. currently so sleepy
2. need to study math
3. and econ because tomorrow i got econ quiz!!!

hey..
there are more things in the "thankful" list. isn't it good? :) :)

one goal accomplished!

2011-02-27T14:22:00.003-05:00

I no longer feel weird everytime i talk to that one person. i used to be so scared and shy and restrained. i'm so scared that we won't workout well, i'm so scared of the future, and yes lots of my posts in my blog are about how i felt about that one person. we never had a relationship, not even a close friendship. we're just friends and happened to be in a perfect situation to fall crazily in love with each other. but no, that did not happen.

at first i was so scared to lose him. now i'm like whatever..

i learned to leave the past and after trying it for several months, hey it doesn't hurt...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

kaykay, now i am going to proudly announce that i have scratched one of my goals in 2011: get my G1 drivers license!

i took the G1 test yesterday. woke up extra early went there by bus with adri. it took me freakin 2 hours to get there and another 1 and a half hour of waiting and testing. jeez, i don't even know how i survived that. buses are not as often as weekdays and to get there i needed 3 buses. i missed 2 buses and so i have to wait for half an hour each until the next one came. we even went to tim hortons first, got ourselves coffee n tea.

the test place was packed and the signs are confusing. but after asking some people, we're well on our way to get the waiting number. but then we found out that if we have indonesian's drivers license, we could translate that and come again to get G1 and full G test altogether on one day. adri chose to wait to translate his license but thats not the case for me. i can't really drive and i never actually acquire my indonesian drivers license. my dad made that for me and even though i can't drive well, i got the license..

so i did the written test and eye exam and got my G1!!
getting G1 means i can drive but i have to be accompanied by a full G license holder and i can't drive to highway and i can't drive between midnight to 5 am.

now i have to wait for 8 more months until my G2 testing time..

anyway..last week, i finally went iceskating, ate at spaghetti factory, went to school for psych experiment, i did the report, i did french assignment interview with the chef of Bistro Chezanne, i did the reading for psychology test this wednesday. just now, i submitted the psychology report, it feels great to slowly finishing up what needs to be done!

now that we're almost at the end of february, i will apply for work permit pretty soon, get myself ready for math n econ fourth tests, italian composition, look for the opportunity to collect my last credit for psych experiment..

my sister asked me to go with her to Boston in march but then when i looked at my calendar, it's impossible to do that. i have absolutely no week without test or quiz or major assignment.. so, boston have to wait, i guess...

meanwhile this coming week, we're back to school again after a week off..but that doesnt necessarily mean bad things either. i'm pretty excited to see UTM Got Talent this wednesday. its an event where people perform anything they want to and then there will be winners and prize up to $1400! i'm also excited for italian play next weekend which also will be my material for italian composition..

kk then...

i'll write more later on..
back to mathh.. (ewww)

2011-02-21T22:07:00.002-05:00

what if
what if
you found someone
after someone
after someone
after someone
swearing this is not the one
always running away
trying to seek for their weakness
trying to overlook their grandness
telling yourself
you will be fine...
people survive
with just a little water, food, air
and art..
then suddenly your dreams are over
in front of you is someone
not the someone after someone after someone
but the someone that will never make you find another one
but this time
this time
you feel incompatible
unqualified
out of the league
not good enough
this time it's different
is it ever gonna end?
and time
time never befriends me..

is love ever gonna be good enough
to sail the sea and find another quay?

forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the wind longs to play with your hair- Kahlil Gibran

2011-02-20T19:25:00.005-05:00

sometimes i dont know what i wanna write but i just want to write something. i feel like i owe someone stories from the past 12 days..

where have i been? well ive been going to school, busy with school, going crazy because of school. went to movie in between, bubble tea outings, going sushi with my friends, doing psych experiment, trying so hard to finish everything on time while still giving myself chance to breath. now that i am breathing properly, home alone in february 20th, second day of reading week. so in the week to come, school's off. we got a week off but the homework and assignments are still unforgivingly the same and its as if we're still doing the same amount of studying except, we do it at home.

sushi with friends.

anyway, the past week we had a little sip of what its like to welcome spring..the weather was pretty nice (minus the wind, of course), it was like 3-9 degree celcius and the sun lingers longer than usual..even at 6 it's not that dark yet..but then suddenly today my uncle said that theres a possibility of winter storm coming.. gaahh..but i dont think thats gonna happen.. meanwhile
im going iceskating on tuesday in nathan phillips square and since im craving some italian taste, i'm also going to Spaghetti Factory!! yipiiyay!
oh and my french psych and italian tests result has come out.. i got 88 for french and 90.6 for italian, 80 for psych multiple choice and 71 for the short answers. those marks lighten me up a bit since the econ and math marks are rocketing down from the first semester. so far my math average is like 76 ish and 88 ish in econ..i hope it stays there or even going up..

my final exam schedule is up already! by april 15th im done with school. idk whether thats a good thing since all my 5 exams will happen on the same week from 7-15 april.
the deadliest would be the first day and second day: econ exam at 8-10 AT NIGHT then i'll be home like at 11, sleep until 6, then at 8 in the morning i'll have my PSYCH exam.. idk how am i gonna pull that together. i'll be all stressed out! i told my friend about my schedule and she was like "i suggest you better start studying now..." lol good idea!

ok enough talking about marks and school and life.. last time i talked about going back home was like 2 weeks ago and now it's like 2 months left! i booked a ticket for april 23rd with korean air and arriving in indo on the 25th. i just cant waiiittt!

then my sisters wedding will be on June 12th, and korea trip with my second sister on the 23rd. it will be just the two of us wandering around korea for 3 days before going back to toronto. we'll go with the city tour to the famous places but other than that one day we'll explore korea ourselves. i know that 3 days doesnt do justice to the beauty of korea but my sister has to workk so she has to go back on the 27th :(

i cant believe im on the 20th of february now, i mean where does time go??i know it flies but to where? does it really have any destination other than circling the world and making it moves?

cravings:
1. warm bubble bath overlooking the ocean
2. hot chocolate and movie night
3. cooking together in my house
4. rain... like honestly, stop sending me snow! i'm happier with rain..
5. my friends. like my high school friends. i miss them so damn much..
6. my house in cemara and my white car
7. this!:

i need some time off.. like seriously.. a week off without having to worry about whats coming, about assignments, about people and events and all those stuffs...

Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway. — Eleanor Roosevelt

2011-02-08T19:35:00.003-05:00

hey guys. finally after those hardships of dealing with econ and italian, i got my results back. good news: got 88 on french and 18.5/21 on italian, plus i got my ticket to go to this italian play on march 5th which is purely for the purpose of my italian composition. here's the bad news: i failed econ and math terribly.

i was so pissed at myself for the first few hours after math and after econ but then i know that i still got other chance and since i know i messed up in econ, so it's entirely my fault and there really is no excuse but i just dont wanna hate myself just because of that stupid tests..

anyways i looked at dea's blog today and i read this post about what our society expect from a girl these days:

1. She must be very well-mannered, polite, and full of restraint.
2. She should be intelligent, in probably every aspect of life, in public and in private, but she should not act like she is. If she shows too much intelligence, she should be silent, or she would be silenced.
3. As intelligent as she is, her rightful place is in the household, particularly the kitchen. She might be an intellectual academic, but it doesn't matter if she can't take care of the house and her children. And above all, she must be able to cook delightful dishes for her husband every night.
3. She should be absolutely obedient, to her father, mother, other elderly familial figures, husband, and the law.
4. She must sleep and wake up early.
5. She must like doing chores around the house.
6. She should like children and taking care of them. The more she does, she better mother she is or will become.
7. She must be faithful; to God and her husband.
8. She must not complain about her hardship, it is best to keep all of them bottled inside to maintain a peaceful environment around her.
9. She must be well-dressed. It is preferred for her to generate a degree of sensuality, but she must not look cheap.
10. She must eat and drink healthy.
11. She must not like going to clubs and party.
12. She must not drink alcohol and must never, in any cases, get drunk.
13. She must not dress in a (too) boyish manner, or people will consider her a lesbian or suffer from a gender identity disorder.
14. She must look good without make-up. If she doesn't, she better make sure that she looks good with make-up. Because, even though personality is the most important thing, appearance ranks only very slightly below. Your personality might not matter or be considered, if you are not pretty.
15. She should be slim and well-proportioned, preferably athletic. Being even just a little overweight is deemed ugly, and being obese is a catastrophe. Not because it is not healthy, but simply more because it looks bad.
16. She must not swear and use obscene words.
17. She must be constantly happy in public and maintain a fake smile whenever necessary.
18. She should have a rather happy-go-lucky personality.
19. She must not smoke.
20. She must be a virtuous humanitarian, fighting for a noble cause, and must always put herself behind everyone else.
21. She should be talented in music or arts or sports. Preferrably all of those. Or more.
22. She should be great in bed to please her husband. But she must never show that in public.
23. She must never be lazy and unproductive; any free time should be used with a productive act.

i have to say that point number 1 to 3 doesn't really apply that much anymore but the rest somehow ring true to me. not that much in western culture, but yesss in eastern culture. (or at least in a society where i grew up). although i know that when people read this they will go like "thats not true. girls can like clubbing or she can laze around if she wants" but hey, when theres a girl like that, there's a slim chance for anyone to not judge her. people will go like "she is not a good girl."
plus, the wearing make up thing is so true.u have to be pretty without make up or if u dont, at least u better be good in applying make ups.

i hate it that girls are expected to achieve all those things at the same time. it's just ridiculous.

i still remember everytime my grandma visits my house, she usually come around 10 am and when she sees us still downstairs watching TV with our pj, she'll be like "young women shouldn't laze at this time of the day! they should have showered and look nice. go upstairs and shower!"

or if im going to a family gathering or dinner my mom would never allow me to wear shorts or a "too-much-statements" kind of shoes. she'd want me to dress nicely. simple but polite. the kind of dress that says "i'm a goody good girl"

the statements become more pressing when it comes to weight. when im away for a trip somewhere for a week, when i got home, the first thing my mom would say is "hey u look slimmer" or "hey u gain weight!" and if i gain weight i shudnt eat too much or i shud go to the gym.

if i have to achieve all those 23 things, i can assure you, i'm a fail in being a girl.
but if there's any girl who can put check marks on all 23 points, i have to salute her. she must be amazing..

meanwhile, i'll just do what i feel is right for me.